It's early. HoFS is still asleep. I woke up at 6:30, maybe when they slipped the receipt under our door. It's the second morning of waking up married. Of all the things I've done before, this I have never done.

It's wonderful.

Yesterday morning, after being awake until 2:30am, I woke him up at 8-something. This morning, it's another six hours of sleep for me. I just couldn't jump on him this early, though. He's so very, very, very tired. We were both pretty much walking zombies yesterday.

HoFS was right about the timing -- my hair was being done when he was writing. I'd already taken the longest shower ever and spent more time putting on makeup than ever before by then. I had bits of leftover pizza early on, and then my brother brought me fruit and juice, which I was very grateful for. After that, there was a pause in my preparations while our hair diva worked her magic DD, my maid of honor, and one of my bridesmaids. DD wanted her hair just like mine, which she got.

Then there was getting DD into her dress and putting on her tiara. She wandered the hotel with various grownups throughout the whole process. Early on, she had on tights, shoes, and pajamas; later, the dress. We almost forgot to take her pjs off before putting her dress on, though, which led to a fair bit of giggling.

I packed our things in bits and pieces as I had time.

And that's where we stop -- the alarm's going off!

How wondrous, J.

Happy Day to you.

:-)

I was wondering if a new thread would be born like the new chapter in your life.

Okay.. now I'll tell ya..

My heart was thumping so loud while reading I would have sworn you'd heard it! And it was my honor to be up there for you both!

You both looked radiant!

Loui

It was a beautiful wedding, and an honor to be invited to witness. The bride and groom looked fantastic, and the smile on HoFS's face all weekend was priceless. I hope it lasts forever.

I finally have faces to put with so many names. I think all the personalities were what I expected.

So much good food at the reception, brunch, dinner and impromptu breakfast, that I don't dare step on a scale for a few days.

We even had SYMC soup in the hot tub Saturday night, while watching the youngsters in the hormone pool.

OMG.... did I miss something??? J and HoFS got married?? Sweet!!! Congratulations!!



Where the heck have I been??


Take care,

~Jamie~

quote:

Where the heck have I been??

We've been wondering exactly the same thing! Thanks, though! We had a really good time.

And then there is JustJ and HoFS

I am so sorry it has taken me so long to get to your NEW thread, been a balancing act of playing catch-me-up with rest, work and posting since your wedding. And then there is the never ending search for the perfect words. Which, i am finding are none. How can there ever be words to express how very happy and proud I am for the two of you as you embark upon this new journey as you travel along life's path TOGETHER.

It has been a very long and hard road getting here for the both of you, and now you are at a place where you are able to reap the rewards of all those tears, confusion, pain, anger etc that opened so many doors to learning and growth.

What a blessing it is that both of you have found a partner who is willing and able to walk along side of you as you journey, a partner who will not desperately drag you along to THEIR goals or push you down a slippery slope when their way seems blocked by the other's wants and needs so that they can selfishly "better' only them self.

To walk along side of another compassionately, selflessly, humbly with care and love. The ability to take the entire combined family's wants/needs into consideration as you strive to bring balance and peace to the fold. The knowledge that there WILL be hard times along with the smiles and laughter and fearlessly push on ahead.

I am honored to have been gifted the opportunity to share the day that marked the beginning of your journey. Thank you.

What a long strange trip it has been. And well worth it.

May you, JustJ and HoFS, always be blessed with the eyes to see the light that shines in the other's heart in the darkest of days when all else seems lost.
May you be forever blessed with the ears to hear the whispered love screamed angrily from you lover's lips when the storms of life threaten your safe harbor.
My your hands remember to reach out thru the blinding snows for the one who would give all to save you when you have wandered from the path.
May your bodies always be blessed with the memory of the one who would allow you to be as strong as you can be and as weak as you are when the nights are long and lonely.
May you be forever blessed with enough reality to allow you to make all your fairytales come real.

Remember
we are still here with you and for you
with love and compassion
no matter what
that is what friends are for

hugs to you both

and more hugs for your combined families


xo
Hypatia

Thank you, Hypatia. I was thinking about our journey together, today, and I think it's going to be a wonderful story. I think, too, that it's going to be full of tough stuff. Nature, distance, life... they'll all try to pull us apart.

One of the gifts we received (from someone not associated with SYMC) was a book by Bill Doherty called Take Back Your Marriage. He believes that there are three core things crucial to a marriage's survival. One is commitment. The second is a reservoir of "marriage rituals" that keep your love for each other alive.

The third, though, is a supportive community. And I thought to myself, boy, we've got that! I want more than I can say for this community, and one of the things that I want from this community is the ongoing support (and kicks in the pants) that y'all have provided to us ever since we first met.

And I am SO glad you were there, too!

Now it's late; I just said goo dnight to HoFS. It's been almost two weeks that we've been married. I've been working on the usual post-wedding things. Changing my name. Opening a bank account. Taking clothes to the dry cleaners. Waiting eagerly for pictures. Trying to remember to sign my name correctly.

For the first nine days, my husband and I were together in the same place. It's the longest we've ever been in the same place. The most nights in a row that we fell asleep together.

And that was the first time I've ever referred to him as my husband in writing. I said it oncer in spoken conversation yesterday, too. I love how it sounds. So... whole.

I am now "volatile wife," a name I picked for myself. And there was the moment on the roof. (We were cleaning out the gutters before leaving for Maryland. And yes, it was urgent. Why do you ask? )

And there were the long, long times when HoFS and I revelled in each other's company. The times when we smiled into each other's souls. The times when we really didn't care who watched us kiss.

We had a good two weeks with all the kids. At the end of July we'll go away for a few days by ourselves. I hope, I really hope, that we can find a little more of that special thread that is "us." We are already caught up in daily living, and when there are four kids, their needs don't stop just because you decided to go and be newlyweds.

This weekend we're off to HoFS' family reunion. I share a name with them now. Odd. This is how family is made? I've never become family so utterly abruptly before. The last time, we eased into it much more slowly. The difference between jumping into the deep end and getting in the pool gradually. I'm sure I'll get used to it just fine, but it is something of a shock at the moment.

The last week, though, it's been my regular life. Work, DD, work, talk to HoFS on the phone, more work. More work, in fact, than I thought I would come back to. More people still in need of my advice and thoughts and "expert" opinions. A few errors that would not have happened if I'd been around.

It's all normal. Except when I bump up against this one thought. I'm married. We're married. Out there somewhere, at the other end of the phone and the e-mail connection, is my husband.

And I don't really know what that means when we're so far apart. Except that he'll tell my mom if I don't go to bed. And I'll recruit his dad if he goes off too far into the wilderness. We're agreed that it definitely means that.

So....... good night! It's time for me to sleep.

I love happy stories.

Thanks for the telling.

And.....

Thanks for creating the tale by living.


Happy trails....

SS

Hi SS! You're welcome. And thank you for your letter. Loui read the excerpt at the wedding. Can I post the excerpt here, too?

Hi J !!
You are welcome to post it if you would like to.
Thanks for asking, you are so kind.

I didn't go into detail earlier about where I was on your day.

We were on Family vacation. ON the 4th we visited a friend of mine in Idaho who has MS. He and I were room mates about 30 years ago. He does pretty well considering. Still walks, though it is difficult, and he can ride a horse. He and his wife hosted us for a few days, and then we toured Yellowstone park.

We decided on Yellowstone some time ago. I wanted to make adjustments to attend a wedding, but couldn't make it all work out.

We had a good time, but many of my friends were on my mind.

I like the way that some of your posts glow. That's a good sign.

SS

Our third reading is a letter from ... Still Seeking, written to Joanna upon hearing of this wedding. He is one of the wisest and gentlest people Joanna and Rich know. It is read today by [LouiEJ_SYMC], friend of the couple.

quote:

I want you to know that I know that God is real. God's purpose is to see us through to a happier place. That happier place can begin in the homes of people who are doing the best they can.... To do what is right. I have every reason to believe your home will be a very happy place. Both of you care deeply for each other, and you care for others in the world, too. That is a very good thing.

It's been a long time since I "talked" to Joanna about her decisions. I don't know if you have all the details of setting up a household worked out at this point, or if you are working on faith that it will come together in time. I thought last fall, and I still think, that putting your two households together will not be an easy thing. I do think you two can make it work. I have been asking God to help for a long time now. I hope you feel the help.

Since I can't be there in person to wish you the best, I will do it now by letter. Both of you have great strengths – and maybe a few little weaknesses. I am so happy you found each other. Knowing it will be difficult, I wish you luck. Understanding, though, that we tend to make our own good luck by preparation and hard work. I believe that luck will come to you.

There are so many things one would like to say when events like this happen. You don't need the advice given to some newlywed couples. You both already know what can go wrong, and the consequences when it does.

Perhaps I'll just say "Well done." May you find joy in the journey. Both of you. Always, and forever.

I knew, or guessed, that you were going to be on vacation. I'm glad you had a good time! There were several people whom we missed over the weekend -- folks from Florida to Michigan to Oregon to Utah to California to Canada (several in Canada!). And you know, I think that if people can send us gifts for up to a year after the wedding, surely we can "count" time we spend with people in other ways than on that day.

And even on that day, sharing thoughts of one another is a very good thing. Community is hard to build when there are thousands of miles between us. It's easier, I like to think, when folks are right down the street. Still, we keep working at it and I think it's good work to do.

J,
Mmm, my very, very bad. Please accept my late congratulations. I'm very happy for you both.

Cam

Thank you, Cameo. And just like the visits, you're not late yet. As far as I'm concerned, being married takes so much work that you should celebrate -every- -single- -day- that you're married.

Besides, that much champagne has GOT to be good for you.

This message has been so much fun to write that I'm not even going to pollute it with the stuff that's eating away at my soul right now. Which has nothing to do with being married and everything to do with being an illegitimate parent, or however we want to phrase it today. I'll save that for another post.

So. I've mentioned this on the mod board, and on one of the other private boards, but I have not mentioned it on a public forum yet.

In May, the Maryland Court of Appeals issued a ruling that said that a non-biological, non-adoptive mom did not have the right to parent her child. Even more than that, though, the ruling said that Maryland law does not contain the principle on which all such non-biological parental relationships have been based up until this time.

In spite of its name the Maryland Court of Appeals is the highest court in the state. There is no appeal. The Supreme Court doesn't play in this realm. The answer is simply that the principle, and all the parental relationships built on the principle, do not exist. Period.

The court instead ruled that someone who wishes to continue a parental relationship with a child must show that there are "extraordinary circumstances." In other words, yes, the kid has to think of you as a parent. But even more than that, you have to show a compelling legal reason why the biological parent's right to decide who the kid will interact with should be broached.

It's a much bigger hurdle. And it's been many years since this standard has been applied.

I found out about the ruling on the Friday before leaving for some giant event associated with the wedding. I have no idea what it was anymore. Suffice it to say that underneath all the joy of the wedding for the last two months has been an ongoing thread of pure terror.

I'm a non-biological, non-adoptive mom. I called my attorney's office and made an appointment that day. I called our parenting coordinator. And then I started feverishly reading the text of the decision itself. I wasn't surprised. I'd read the law and the case law five years before when this nightmare took its current form. I knew then, and have known ever since, that the "de facto parent" standard was only based on a single court decision and was not written into Maryland law. I knew it could be overturned. I had done everything in my power to build my own situation around the higher "extraordinary circumstances" standard.

What I did not know -- and still do not know -- is whether DD is safe. I don't know whether we would pass the test or not.

And now it matters, because the lower standard (one that I pass with freaking flying colors at this point) doesn't exist anymore.

When I spoke to my attorney, she said she and her partner, two of the smartest attorneys I have ever met, had no idea what the ruling meant. They asked me (ME!) to start calling folks like Lambda Legal and Equality Maryland to get a read on what the community thinks this decision does. And they encouraged me to start calling legislators. Because if all else fails, a change in the law can protect me. And all the other folks like me. Not just folks who raised children in same-sex relationships, but grandparents and stepparents and aunts and uncles who are raising children for some reason.

I spoke to all those folks. I called every single one I could get my hands on. I was astonished when my state senator answered his own phone. I was surprised when another of my legislators called me back and left his personal cell phone number for me to call. I was considerably less surprised at the folks who wrote me uncomfortable letters saying that they couldn't help. It must be very hard indeed to tell a constituent that you won't try to help protect the constituent's child. Still. The legislative avenue is open. It may take a long while, but I really hope that there are enough children at risk that the legislature will act to protect them.

Then again, there are many who would argue that a child is best protected by his or her legal, biological, or adoptive parents. And that the legislature should not expand that role to anyone else given that those roles exist and have legally clear meanings. The fact that some biological parent was wishy-washy about it is a bummer for the nonbiological parent and probably messes up the kid's head, but that's not the state's business. Or so the argument might go.

So. Then there are the opinions I'm getting about what the ruling actually means for me. My attorneys didn't know. One of the outside attorneys I spoke to said that mine is a different situation and that because we have a custody agreement, that agreement is still a binding contract and holds. Another attorney says that the custody agreement will be set aside in its entirety as being contrary to Maryland law, and that my ex will be given complete power to deny me any time with DD at all.

You can imagine, maybe, the tears and helpless rage and fear. Combine that with a wedding. And if you compare the dates, you'll see that the negotiations with Aguantar were simultaneous. When folks mentioned on that thread that I needed to give up hoping for the perfect wedding, I had to laugh. Bitterly. A perfect wedding? Right.

So. Let's layer on the complexity, shall we? Because it's not complicated enough. I was working 50 to 60 hour weeks to finish the implementation of a new 520-odd person organization. Stand-up date? July 1. (They made it. Screwed up several things while I was away and I'm still working on fixing them. But they made it.)

And then, because it's not complicated enough, let's go back to DD. She's 5, you know. Needs to start kindergarten. And my ex and I live in different school districts. (Not exactly, because the entire county is a single school system, but different schools that lead to different junior high and high schools.) They're both good schools. I think mine is a little better for her. My ex, obviously, thinks the other is a little better.

Our parenting coordinator doesn't understand that me having a completely in-limbo legal status means that we really ought to think about carefully protecting the relationship I have with DD. She keeps saying, "Well, but if I were in court, there's no way a judge would rule that you weren't a parent!" No, dear. Look at the ruling. The court has ALREADY SAID that. About a girl who was five. Who lived with her non-biological mom for her WHOLE LIFE until she was five. Not in two separate households, but ONE.

I finally, sort of, got through to her. And she said, emminently sensibly, "So... why don't you just do a second-parent adoption?"

Darned good question. Go ask my ex. I can't. She'll just claim I pressured her if I put it on the table.

So the PC (Parenting Coordinator) went to the attorneys, and said she would get back to me the next week. That was about May 20.

The attorneys took it to me and my ex. The proposed deal: Ex does adoption. Ex gets school she wants. Parenting Coordinator gets authority and uses it wisely. That was on June 6. (Yes, more than a week.) How do I know? That's the day I was supposed to be driving to Ohio to get my marriage license. I didn't get there in time. Because I was sitting in my car in Breezewood, PA and Somerset, PA talking to my attorney about how in the world we were going to resolve this. After some hesitation and saying that the adoption had to come first, I agreed that she could propose it to my ex.

(And in the end it didn't matter, because I didn't have my social security card and then when I looked for it, couldn't find it. I did get one in time. And Aguantar gave me some excellent advice about how to handle it if I didn't get one in time, which I would have used happily had I needed to. As it was, the marriage license was a relatively painless process.)


And that's the last I heard of it all. Until yesterday. Yes, I know, they were supposed to get back to me in a week. If it weren't for the fact that I was getting married, I'd've pushed harder. As it was, I had to just let them work at their own slow pace.

Last week, I finally sent my attorney a note asking what was going on. Which led her to finally call the opposing attorney. Which led to me finally hearing what my ex wants to do. (Note: I am not rational about this. I -know- that what I'm saying is not precisely what she said. But I can't unwind my emotions from it enough to know where it differs from what she actually means, so you'll just have to hear my version.)

- Let the parenting coordinator pick the school. The week before school starts.
- Renegotiate the entire custody agreement. The week before school starts.
- Then ex will think about doing the adoption.

Uhhhhhhhhh. Yeah.

You should probably not have heard the very bad things that I said to my attorney. I probably should not have said them. Nonetheless. Who the F* thought this was a decent enough proposal to even bother me with it???

I was so upset that when my attorney finally hung up on me, I didn't bother to try to call her back. Instead, I called my ex.

Yes, I know. Perhaps not the wisest move.

But I did learn that the "week before school starts" part was not my ex's idea. That was the attorneys trying to fit us into their action-packed summer of court cases and vacations. And I learned that my ex really wants me to know that that's not what she means, that she really does want to do the adoption this time.... she just wants assurance that things will be different if she does the adoption. That I'll be nicer. More flexible. Less unreasonable.

We talked, too, about the risk. Her attorney had told her only one of the opinions I've heard -- that the situation isn't the same and the decision doesn't apply to us. That our agreement stands.

Frankly, I don't believe that to be the case. I -hope- it is. But would you risk your kid's future on hoping that her tie to you is safe when you've already been to that unsafe place? No I didn't think so.

We talked a bit about that time in our lives. My ex is firm in her believe that she did NOT try to take our daughter away from me (in spite of revoking her consent to the adoption and refusing to let me see her for five days). She is firm in saying that if she had decided she wanted to, she could have done it relatively easily. And that she DIDN'T and she wants some credit for that.

I am really sorry that I can't evaluate whether she deserves the credit for it or not. For five years I've waited for the other shoe to fall; she's left the door open to utterly destroying our relationship, never fully closing it with the adoption. (I recognize that people lose the right to their kids even when they're biological and have been there the kids' whole lives. And that requires a court to determine that the parent is not competent to make good decisions for the child. All this would take is a legal determination that I'm not a parent, no matter how competent I am and no matter how good my decisions are.)

Or, to put it more simply, she's had a gun to my head for five years. Does she deserve credit for never pulling the trigger, even when I wasn't "nice" to her? I'm sorry, but I can't objectively say. There's still a gun to my head. And when you wave it around, and pretend to start putting it down before putting it back to my temple, well, I'm rarely rational in those moments. You'll have to ask someone else about whether you get any credit for it or not.

Oddly, it was a good conversation. I don't think my ex and I have talked directly about the adoption and what this situation does to me and my decisions in, well, ever. And it's been four years since we talked about the adoption at all. She says there are still "people" who are firmly opposed to the adoption. I assume that's still her mom and her husband, who've been on the "no" team all along.

She had never heard me talk about the long-term strategy of ensuring that I increased my time with Liana before. She had never heard me talk about balancing the legal risks against the day-to-day idea of whether Liana should go to a birthday party with her (rather than spending time with me) before.

I neglected to talk to her about how strategy affects my reactions to her husband. It does. She probably doesn't realize how much. I mean, really. I -don't- like the man. But when he started encouraging the "Daddy" thing, combined with him assuming a certain number of parental roles that I had filled, it also triggered a host of warning bells that were planted there by attorneys looking for warning signs of ugly legal stuff. She doesn't know that part. I rarely talk about it with anyone other than HoFs and Penny. And the attorneys, of course. I'll save that for another conversation with her.

So.

My attorney, after she hung up, wrote to me and told me to go try to work things out through the parenting coordinator. In other words, she punted back to the PC because she can't solve the issue either.

Luckily, I'd already left the PC voicemail. Did I say that already? Well, whatever.

Tonight, as DD and I were having dinner with our former neighbors (the ones who were at the wedding, if anyone met or remembers them), the PC called me. "Do you have a minute to talk?" Uhh, well, uhhh, no, but let me just step outside.

I got 453 mosquito bites in that 48 minute conversation. And I put on bug spray halfway through. I also pulled a lot of weeds because it's a good way to burn useless adrenaline.

How to summarize the conversation? Hmmm. She's sorry she hasn't gotten back to me in two months. She thought the attorneys were going to handle things. She can't get into the middle of a discussion where she recommends an adoption. The APA guidelines won't let her. And won't let her recommend a change to our parenting schedule. But she wants to resolve this. But the schools come out dead even on her usual grading scale. And she can't take into account the risk of one parent destroying the other parent's relationship in a legal proceeding. But if it were a case of parental alienation, then she would have no problem recommending that the school of the parent under attack be the closer school in order to better protect the attacked parent's relationship with the kid. But she thinks we ought to try to resolve this. And she would be happy to facilitate a conversation between me and my ex. And she'll even stay in town for an extra hour to meet with us on Monday. But she didn't send the e-mail request to me and Helen that she said she was going to send. And she doesn't know how she would recommend. She would like to have the authority to make the decision for sure because in some bizarre way that protects the decision a little better. She's pretty sure that no matter what she recommends, the losing person will fire her. And she can't see an outcome where there are any winners anymore.

She spoke to my ex tonight, but frankly, I can't recall what that part of the conversation was about. She's unhappy with the attorneys for wasting time. But she's been on vacation for the past four weeks, so it's not like she's been just sitting waiting for their calls.

And she wants to chat. About process. About how we can talk about all these things we can't talk about. About how we proceed. Yes, we should talk about process. Because after all this kid has to go to school SOMEWHERE. (She's vehemently opposed to homeschooling, for some reason.)

There is more. Endless streams of more. For this I got 453 mosquito bites and missed a lot of dinner with my friends and daughter. For this I have been losing sleep. All for this. Because what it comes down to is that this decision is so toxic that no one can figure out how to touch it. Hide villagers, hide. The elephants are dancing.

Maybe this is just how frustrated people get when faced with problems that go beyond impossible. Maybe.

And now I have 32 minutes to prepare slides for my 10:30 meeting tomorrow. 32 minutes because at 10pm I have to do a coaching session with some folks who could use my help.

32 minutes.

DD called me tonight, after my ex picked her up. Unusual pickup; DD is usually with me on Thursday nights, but our schedule is all rearranged (without much help from anyone else, come to think of it) because of various vacations.

So. DD called me tonight about two minutes after she left, from my ex's cell phone. I hear a quaver in her voice. "I forgot to say goodbye and give you a hug and a kiss!"

I know, sweetie, it was busy with everyone leaving all at once.

"So I'm calling to tell you goodbye and next time I see you I'll give you tw-two kisses and two hugs. One for hello for that time and one for good-bye for now because I missed it and I love you."

Aww. Thank you, sweetie. I love you, too, and I think that's a great idea.

"I LOVE YOU MAMA!!!!! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!!!!!!"

I love you too, sweetie.

"I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUU!!!!!"

Sweetie, don't deafen mommy, please. I love you, too, and I bet you're hurting her ears.

"I love you Mama. Good night!"

Good night, sweetie. See you on Saturday.

Some quoted e-mails.

From our parenting coordinator to us and our attorneys:

quote:

[J] and [ex]: Having just spoken with each of you, I'd like to set up a time to speak with both of you together before you both leave. The ONLY time that I have before the 31st, though, is Monday 7/28 at 3. I would be leaving right after that to take my son to camp in Rochester and won't be back til Th. Would that work for both of you?

My goal would primarily be to see if we can at least agree on a process that would allow us to have a school decision before school starts.

I would not be opposed to attys being present...([Attorney] and [Attorney] feel free to chime in).

From my ex:

quote:

I am only available until about 3:30 on Monday. If you think we can get anywhere in half an hour together, I can be there.

[ex]

From me to my ex, the parenting coordinator, and both attorneys (Oh dear, I'm not supposed to write to the opposing attorney. Well, too late now. And come to think of it, so did my ex. First time she's done that, I think.)

quote:

OferPetesake. We're spending something like $1,000 an hour total for..... this?!?

If we want to resolve this issue, we need to focus. We need to work fast. I started this conversation nearly two years ago. I have done everything I can to invite you to converse with me [ex], and apparently you refuse to do so.

[Ex], do you realize that I have -no idea- what your problem with Bethesda actually is, nor what you think is so wonderful about Dufief? I have literally never been told -anything- other than that we don't agree.

Not. One. Additional. Word.

So.

Half an hour will not solve our problems. Half an hour isn't even long enough for [parenting coordinator] to give her opening statement defining our problems, particularly if one of the attorneys interrupts.

[HoFS] and I are available all weekend except for [M]'s birthday party. If we can't find sitters for [ex's son] and DD, perhaps [ex's husband] and [HoFS] can take them to the park for a couple of hours.

So here's my radical solution to this bizarre problem. I am offering again. Let's sit down and talk to each other. We're probably old enough to do that, and it sure is less annoying than needing a freaking UN emissary just to schedule a time to talk. This is not the Middle
East peace talks, though there is an apt quote from Yitzhak Rabin: "Ladies and gentlemen, the time for peace is now!"

[J]

From the parenting coordinator to me, ex, and the attorneys:

quote:

I think given the time pressure and all of our crazy schedules that we should do it [the half-hour meeting on Monday] anyway and just get the ball rolling. At the very least, I want to get a dialogue going...

Right. That's what we need to do. We need to get a dialogue going.

Right. Uh huh.

I've made my offer. We'll see if ex steps up to the plate. If not, well, it'll be.... interesting.