A and B, in the below, are both six years old. And yes, this is true, though abbreviated. The actual conversation lasted about five minutes.


A: [Reading from a flyer she'd just picked up] "Do you... have any ... questions.... about God?"

B: [While climbing on something he wasn't supposed to be climbing on.] "Questions? I don't have any questions. I don't know anything about God!"

A: "Then you should have lots of questions about God!"

B: "Well, I don't know anything about God. Except God created everything. How did he do that? That's my question."

A: "That's a good question! You should ask that one."

B: "I know something about God! God's been dead forever."

A: "God is not dead!! God is in all of us!"

B: "He is not."

A: "My mom said there is a little piece of God in each one of us."

B: "MY mom said God is in everything!"

A: "Even rocks?"

B: "Yeah, everything!"

A: "My mom said just people."

B: "We should ask that one too."

A: "Right. That's a good question. Let's go ask."

Adult: "Hey! How about some playtime downstairs?"

Lovely Reminds me of when my niece was getting her head around death and asked me if my mum "went to Kevin?"

It's been a long couple of weeks. The program I've worked in for 13 years is in a state of flux. Legislation passed in early March (the omnibus spending bill) bans new work in my field, but allows work already started to continue to completion. As you might imagine, the contractors are the first to be affected. So our work has dropped off. For the first time in seven or eight years, I had a day when I had almost nothing to do. And my hours have been reduced on the project, from full time to 4 days a week. Strange feeling, that. My boss has asked me to focus that free time on finding opportunities for additional work that we can do with the agency I've worked with for the last five years. I'm trying to do that. I have a few meetings lined up and have been wracking my brain trying to think of more people I can talk to. It's hard -- I'm not a marketer, nor a salesman. I'm just J, and pretty much what I do is think hard and write well and do spreadsheets. That's not the same as having the easy, relaxed people skills that make someone a great marketer.

Life at home is also a challenge -- my ex has a new, aggressive, adversarial attorney. It's unpleasant when someone who is adversarial also has access to what my lawyer calls "the nuclear option." It's interesting to have the threats become much more active after years of quieter threats. I find that it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Maybe it's because I've lived with the gun to my head for so long. Maybe, like Tibetan Buddhist monks, I finally have some compassion for my captors?

No. I think it's more like I'm just numb to the feel of it. Compassion is much more active and pleasant than what I do, which is to roll my eyes and shrug.


Huh. This window's been sitting open for two hours. Guess I should press "post now," eh? Back to work for me.

What do you do, actually, JustJ?

Spreadsheets spreadsheets spreadsheets.... My favourite!
And I hate sales too. Once I thought I should bite the bullet and learn how to do it and joined a telemarketing company... and quit on the first day. I just couldn't.

How come she got the new lawyer?

Hang in there!

Well mags, I basically help the US federal government implement a complicated program with a simple goal: Use the best source to get things done.

It gets complicated because you're choosing between government workers and private sector workers. Government folks who have to implement it really resist studies that involve the possibility of them losing their jobs. Some of them fight smart (in ways that benefit the government's operations) and some of them fight dumb (in ways that hurt the government's operations). Lately the dumb fights have been more common, which is why the program has been halted.

In more mundane terms, my job involves:

- Writing down all the services a particular group provides
- Finding out how much of it they do
- Figuring out how to tell whether they did it right or not
- Helping them find efficiencies and savings in their current work processes
- Helping them build a leaner staffing (and other resources) model
- Figuring out how much the new organization will cost
- Figuring out how much a contractor would cost to do the same work
- Helping implement whatever decision is made
- Helping do oversight after the implementation is over (which means checking on whether they're doing the work in the right quantities, within costs, and correctly)

So it involves lots of convincing and diplomacy, lots of writing, lots of number crunching, and a lot of careful thinking.

In the last five years, I've also written a lot of policy and guidance in this and other areas of the government.

Does any of that help explain what I do, or is it still too obscure?

Oh, and my first meeting where I talked to someone about what we do went pretty well. Don't know whether we'll get any work out of it, but the meeting was pleasant nonetheless.

Oh, and I don't know why my ex got the new lawyer. I suspect it's because her old attorney didn't help her get what she wanted (DD goes to the elementary school near me, rather than the one near my ex), but no one has given me a specific reason.

Is it TMI if I say that my butt hurts because I've been sitting on the couch for five straight hours? I've been working crazy hard on several things that need to get done before DD shows up at 5pm tomorrow, and I need a break!!!

And a nap.

And HoFS had a 2 hour nap this afternoon and is on the phone waaaaay happily energetic. And we don't get to spend the weekend together.

But at least I will be able to work continuously for the next 16 hours straight, if I can stay awake.

And I have to buy more eggs. I boiled mine for 2 hours instead of 9 minutes.

Yes, it's one of those days. But I'm STILL HAPPY.

Yes, I know. I'm a little manic. I'll be better soon.

Ha, Ha.......... boiled the eggs for two hours.

I thought I was the only one who did things like that.

Tell HoFS "HI" for me.

I am starting a new job now. Have been talking to a company in California about buying my Internet site, and we have come to an agreement, and they want me to work for them. I'll work from my home doing purchasing and having everything shipped to their warehouse in CA.

I see that life is as stressful as ever for you. You have a lot to worry about just with DD.
I also notice some speculation about the future of your job. We'll continue to pray for you.

SS

Hey there, SS! I'm so glad you're going to be doing something interesting to you. Based on our long conversations about outdoor gear, I suspect you have more knowledge in your little finger than most anyone else they can find. You'll be fabulous at the buyer stuff. And you'll work hard, I know that.

I do hope to see you around these parts a little more often, as well. I've missed you while you've been off changing 'round your life. I hope the rest of it (and the Missus and the chilluns) are all great, too. I think of you often. Most days I wear my spiffy rain coat, for example.

[For those not in the know, SS knows everything there is to know about keeping warm and dry and safe and fed and having fun while outdoors. He recommended that I get a -good- rain coat to wear every day, rather than getting something iffy to keep in the car if I get stuck on the PA turnpike. I picked this one out:

http://www.backcountry.com/sto...n-Jacket-Womens.html

And got it as a Christmas gift from my mom. It is, quite literally, the best coat I've ever owned. I wore it every day that it was above 20 degrees all winter, and really, it's as warm as my wool overcoat, just not as long. Fabulous thing to own.]

Things are ok for me, SS, they really are. I have hard long days sometimes, and stressful ones. But I will make it through this turbulent work time. And I will make it through spending DD's college fund on more attorney-level ranting. More and more, those things are not the main focus of my reality. Instead, they are just ... well, they're important the way sweeping the floors and making sure my windows are clean is important. These things are sweeping the floors. It keeps things cleaner and prevents wear.

But the thing that really makes me happy is the sunlight streaming in through the clean windows. So I work on keeping the windows of my soul clean. It helps.

On Friday morning, I will be meeting with my ex, her attorney, our parenting coordinator, my attorney, and another attorney from her office. This is the first group meeting regarding DD's legal status in six years.

My goal is a good outcome for everyone, particularly DD. I would really, really appreciate any good thoughts and prayers folks can spare.

Love and care and compassion and all good things to you, DD, and everyone involved.

P

Fingers crossed for you JustJ!

Thank you, ladies. I really appreciate it.

It's been over two hours. It's a bit nerve racking from a distance. Sigh.

HoFS

Summary: Nothing changes from what we were doing, except that I'm going to be "nice" in one particular way.

The fact that it took three hours to get to that conclusion is why I think this entire exercise is ridiculous.

The fact that spending this three hours means I will be unlikely to be able to go to my 20th college reunion? That... just.... makes my heart sad. Really sad.

Just an update on the whole legal saga. I've been "nice" for nearly six months now. It didn't change anything, of course.

But now my ex is threatening to take me to court if I don't agree to her proposal for child support. Uhm, because, see, she wants to force me to act more like a parent. Or at least, she wants to be able to use the fact of my parenthood when it suits her, just like always.

Why yes, I -can- see the irony in that. Why do you ask?