Hmmm kind of a stupid thread name but I'm in a good mood, and it seems apt since I'm always posting in a different time zone to y'all. Anybody know if I can change the thread name later???

For those who haven't read my post over there on the main board, I thought I should emigrate over here since it seems to be more marriage help I'm writing about these days, and I'm worried about drawing attention away from those who need it on that board.

Hello all!

Hi mags! Welcome to this board.

Hey you... Do we need to start a board about baby poo for you?

So....

where are you at with the way things are and what we've been talking about over there?

Loui

Baby Led Weaning!

My discovery of the week - very cool. Bubs ate an inch of banana the very first time she tried it! Mostly holding it by herself with a little help from me not to drop it. At 4.5 months! Today she had about a 3rd of it on her own - and then another quarter in her 'mush' which she ate ravenously. I've created a monster!!!

Hey Louie - yes a baby poo blog would be perfect. Or maybe just baby digestion - based on the above I'll be writing about the other end of the tube sometimes too!

This week has been good. H was interstate Monday night so I called his mum to come over and stay that night - drives me nuts but in manageable doses it's good, and it's company. Went to visit a couple of my friends last night, and went visiting again today so that by evening I was just happy to be home and didn't care that he came home, went to the room to lull K to sleep, and fell asleep himself (unlike her).
Also spent heaps less time on the internet, which I think might be very important. It saps my drive to get out and do other stuff.

So at the moment, my attempts aren't very structured (and hence sustainable) but the socialising thing is working in terms of taking pressure of H needing to be here. And frankly, I'll be back at work in 2 months so it doesn't have to be that sustainable - I'll just make a list of who I need to see before I start work, and work my way through the list. Should provide me more than enough during-the-week social contact. Downside with that is that my 'me' stuff goes out the window with all the rushing around. Haven't worked on my 'change your thinking' book, done my exercises or meditation, or anything. Just packing, (went away for a few days last week), unpacking, and rushing around. And we're going away again next week. However I may be able to develop a morning routine with that. Because a couple of nights this week, K has gone to bed about 8pm, and woken up after the nap way too crabby to stay up, so I've 'forced' her back to sleep again. So perhaps 8pm will become her new time. Which probably means I'm going to have to become a morning person, as she won't sleep in anymore. The plus side of which is that I might have a chance to make a couple of things into 'routine' before going off to mothers group or whatever other activity is planned.
Minus side is K hasn't been putting on 'enough' weight so I've been told to start her on solids. Which she's taking to like a fish to water. Which means I'm going to have to get a whole lot more organised and structure my time. Crapola. Not my strong suite. And I'll also have a bit more work to do - preparing, feeding, cleaning up after, etc. etc. I'm so sad - would be SO CONVENIENT if she'd been able to hold out till 6 months like the current recommendations suggest.

Huh. Wish me luck for next week though. Tips welcome. We're going to stay with H's sister for 3 days. She's very nice and I've got on with her well... till recently. Problem being she has 3 kids and for some reason is bent on telling me what to do and putting down everything I say re bubbus. I think it's just her communication style but it's crazy. It's reached the stage where if she asks about K I have to force myself to just stick to "Fine... how are X, Y and Z doing?" because if I lapse and talk about K (which I looooove to do) I very quickly regret it. Anything I say she'll act like it was obvious, or she knows better, or whatever. She means to be helpful - she's a very helpful person, and kind - but something about this topic really brings out the worst and most patronising in her.
Anyway, it's one thing avoiding the topic on the phone. It's another staving off unwanted advice when we are living with her for 3 days! I need to find some way to set down some clear boundaries on this without coming off agressive. You know when people say offensive stuff but as if they're joking? That's what she does - and it's the hardest thing because if I respond seriously it sounds like I'm being oversensitive/defensive by overreacting to a joke, but often when I give a jokey retort she either completely ignores it or it escalates. I've discussed it with H and he thinks it's because her identity, at the moment, circles around being a mother, so she has to act like she 'knows best'. H's other sister is open to hearing different things OR telling me what has been helpful for her. But this particular sister pretends to know stuff even when she HASN'T done the research or listened to what I'm saying.
Bah I'm ranting now. I'm just really struggling with how to lay this boundary. I don't want to let her push my buttons until I snap and say something rude while I'm a visitor in her house! But I don't know how to establish the boundary politely.

Oh, this week I might have offended H's mum. I dunno I guess it was part of the communication thing. She is a walking monologue and talks constantly (this is not an exaggeration - there doesn't even have to be anyone in the room for her to talk to). This normally drives me insane, so I become very circumspect, and avoid talking at all in case it sets her off interrogating me on something. However I know she struggles to 'bond' with me so when she was here I tried to share my thoughts/feelings more. However she will ask a question, and then while I'm answering, start a new topic of conversation RIGHT over the top of me. Or will share an experience, and when I'm sharing one in return - again just talk right over the top. It honestly mystifies me - I've never met anybody who thinks this is an acceptable way of behaving - to me it's rude rude rude. But anyway, she does it, and doesn't mean it to be rude or anything.
So I told her, jokingly, once when she did it VERY obviously - 'Aunty X, you are talking right over me when I'm trying to tell you something'. Next day she did it again so I said it again. Ditto today. I try to say it in such a way that she doesn't think I'm angry with her or upset, but she tends to over-emotionalise stuff so she may think I am. She said later "I know you get annoyed with me for always talking over the top of you". So now I feel terrible. I'm sort of wondering what to do. I think talking to her - but then letting her know when she does it - is a more open relationship to have. And she WANTS a closer relationship. But it's not like I can change her, and I'm worried that she now thinks I'm picking on her or finding fault, when she tries so hard. The difference from previously, is that I'm stating it WHEN I have a problem with what she's doing, rather than just cutting myself off and not engaging with her at all.
I spoke to H about it and he said it was better to keep engaging with her, and state my feelings when I have to. Will see how it goes I guess. I'm not willing to keep talking to someone who isn't listening to a word I say (even in response to a question they asked!) as it's a waste of breath. But I don't want to make her feel harangued.

Anyway bla bla. I'm happy with things at the moment, and I think it's because I've been productive, social, and well rested. So I'll work on keeping those 3 things up.

Oh and this Friday, H wants to go have beers with the boys, in the pub. I want to go to a local musical (haven't found anybody to go with me yet). He's agreed to take bubs and her banana to the pub with him.

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He's agreed to take bubs and her banana to the pub with him.

There you go. Nothing like starting them out in the pub early. Someday that banana will turn into a banana daiquiri. Man, that sounds good!!!

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Problem being she has 3 kids and for some reason is bent on telling me what to do and putting down everything I say re bubbus.

Listen to her, smile, nod, and then do what you want.

WS's family was the same way. MIL would tell me lots of stuff. I had already raised a child, I didn't need advice. The best though was when one of his close family members, who was in no way running for the Citizen Award of the year, in other words always making very bad choices, decided to give me parenting tips for infant DD8. I laughed out loud and turned and walked away. As I was muttering, GEE, thanks for the tip,loser.

Anyhoo....calm nerves, listen, nod, smile and then go ahead and do your own thing. I've never known any new mothers in my world, kill their kid yet because they woke them up from a nap or didn't put them down for one or gave them baby banana daiquiri's at the pub with daddy. But the best is when people give you something incredibly ugly for K, smile, nod, thank you and then hide it forever and when no one is looking, pitch it.

OHHHHHHHHH...this new thread might get me in tons of trouble....BWAHAhahahahahahaha

Edited to add...good thing I didn't take MIL's advice, her track record is 0/3

, Mags!

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But the best is when people give you something incredibly ugly for K, smile, nod, thank you and then hide it forever and when no one is looking, pitch it.

Oh, tell me about it. We are keeping the most awful outfit for her because a relative gave it, thinking it was irresistable. I haven't been allowed to give it away or chuck it because she'll be hurt. So I guess we just have to keep it till K grows into it, force the poor tyke into it once, take a picture, and then off to the disposal stores with it!

Hello Bunny!

Ok... so tonight DIDN'T go so well. You could say it went badly. But I guess it didn't go as badly as it COULD have gone. I DID blow my top at H and go completely nuts and tell him I wanted to leave the marriage. I DIDN'T go all suicidal and spend the night weeping etc etc. And I'm back to feeling relatively positive at the end of it (not with H, but with myself) - which is very rare.

ANYWAY. One thing I've learned - when I'm sleep deprived, my ability to cope with anything difficult diminishes significantly. I already knew this, but the illustration was comprehensive today. K kept me up all night for no good reason last night and I was completely wasted today. During her morning nap I had to nap too, meaning I missed breakfast. So then I'm tired AND hungry. She made me late for mothers group so I missed lunch too. Then she's crabby from her first solids poos. So I don't get anything I wanted to get done in the day, done (including cooking food to eat). So then I'm tired, hungry, AND frustrated.
So then H says he'll leave work at 6. At 7.15 I start calling him to see where he is. For the next hour and a quarter he is uncontactable. After about the first half hour of that I was already pretty much losing it. I still cannot comprehend what goes through his head such that he thinks this is an ok way to behave. But anyway. At 8.30 I realise I'm ready to absolutely lose it, so I pick up K (who was being an absolute DARLING... I was leaving weepy phone messages for H and she saw me crying and just kept staring at me and smiling at me with the SWEETEST look on her face - maybe she was concerned - maybe she was just fascinated at the novelty. Packed her in the car (and despite HATING driving at night - she didn't complain at all) and thought we'd go to the local shopping centre - FORTUNATELY this whole option was made available by the fact that it's late night shopping night. I did text a nearby friend to see if she was up but I don't think she was.

On the way there, H calls (I had planned to turn off my phone and leave him in the limbo he left me in - but I didn't). He's home. I drive back, blow him up, ask him to give me one good reason to stay in the marriage if I'm going to be treated like this, he says sorry (as he does every time, before doing it again), I say get stuffed, he says what do I want him to do, I say NOT DO IT EVER AGAIN. I hand him K (who was still being an unbelievably perfect angel considering it had reached her crabby hour), leave, turn off my phone.

So I guess up to there things weren't great. But anyway, then instead of my usual which is to drive somewhere where I can 'think' - which generally ends up trying to come up with ways to escape this scenario occurring again - which usually involves running away/divorce/suicide and makes everything worse - I went to a restaurant at the shopping centre and had a lovely dinner by myself. I normally don't spend money like that but I figured - if these are the sacrifices I'm being landed with for his job - i.e. for money - then I'd better d*mn well have the right to spend some when dealing with the fallout of it. Had a lovely potato and spinach gnocchi, and lavender scented pannacotta with sour cherries for dessert - and a banana daquiri (that was for you Sandy! Well - you and K both...). And read the first chapter of my 'change your thinking' book. Some of which I want to note here so I can keep track of my 'learnings' - but will save that for tomorrow because the first order of things tonight is getting myself some decent sleep. He gave K formula so there will be hell to pay tomorrow and the weekend - I better be prepared! Anybody know what fruits (apart from prunes - haven't found any of those fresh) are a good laxative? Because that's what I'm introducing her to next!!!

So anyway, I'm home now, full tummy, a bit wound down, feeling a bit productive because I at least read my book and got out a bit, feeling VERY grateful to K and thinking she's the most wonderful baby in the world, back on track to try and have a productive day tomorrow. It's not all good - I'm still a little anxious, and angry that he did that AGAIN - I really feel absolutely no connection to him whatsoever I think he's an irresponsible child. I was going to go sleep in the spare room but there's no point as he's in K's room. But anyway - the outcome is better than it previously has been - and more constructive (if still avoidant), and maybe I can come up with some contingency plans similar to this. Because another thing I realised when I was there - H gets just as depressed/anxious as me, but when he has MUCH better coping strategies than I do - he will watch a video, or sleep. Whereas I will be too tense to enjoy the former and to anxious to execute the latter. So if I can find a few coping strategies that get me through the crazy moments, I'll have a better chance of surviving long enough to build some longer term solutions that DONT involve overeating and spending too much money

I'm thinking maybe tomorrow I'll get out before him and go have a mcdonalds breakfast. I confess there is more than a little revenge in this act. And I don't care. It may not be grounded compassion, but I do have hopes that it will help things. He's one of those who has only EVER been able to empathise once he's been in the situation himself. He just doesn't get it otherwise. Repeated pattern in our relationship. So tomorrow (if I can be motivated to leave my warm bed) I'll try to feed K, and then go bugger off and have breakfast and read the next chapter, with my phone off, for a couple of hours till her next feed is due. This is pretty bloody inconsiderate, since he has to go to work, and will either be late, or will have to make contingency arrangements (maybe leave her with his mum). But if it means he gets to experience what it's like being trapped with bub, victim to somebody elses lack of consideration, somebody who doesn't even have the courtesy to let you know what is going on so you can plan around it - then maybe it will sink in a little bit how crappy a thing it is to do to me on a repeated basis. And maybe it will do him a little bit of good to be FORCED to choose his family over work for a couple of hours.
Or it could do nothing but make him angry. In which case, the main plus will be that I'll be better grounded, well fed, another chapter along in my book, and hopefully in a much better position to start the day. The minus would be that I'll probably have to drive for an hour to retrieve K from his mums place if that's where she ends up. And she'll be crapping concrete if she gets any more formula.
(sigh) Most likely I'll be too warm and lazy to get out of bed and do this though. But at least having the plan makes me happy...

Tomorrow - CBT learnings from the first chapter!

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I went to a restaurant at the shopping centre and had a lovely dinner by myself.

I like this, but you are a parent now, don't turn your phone off and be unreachable.

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Most likely I'll be too warm and lazy to get out of bed and do this though. But at least having the plan makes me happy...

I sort of think this might be the case! Just try and get some rest.

I don't want to sound like I don't think that Y doesn't have issues, but he had a bomb dropped on him not too awfully long ago Mags, and just like anyone else, it takes a long time to get over that. Have you ever thought that maybe it's not K that he has issues with but what happened before? Yes, I think he is insensitive sometimes, but I have never really met any man who is completely sensitive to what we go through as new moms.

But I also see love in his eyes when he looks at Bubs...

I sure wish I was there with you or you here...I would go to dinner and the theater with you and you could go to the Ordinary Restaurant with me next weekend. It is going to be Sandy's first night out EVER with the girls, at least here in BC.

dd8 is going camping with her dad and we ladies are going out on the town. Did I mention they roll up the sidewalks at 9:00? WOO HOO...

Well I wasn't feeling resentful enough to make him late for work. And then he woke up and said sorry and we talked. And apparently he had a hellish evening after I left because K shrieked the whole time and refused the formula. So after he left for work K and I went to maccas, but I took a wrong turn and almost missed breakfast, so we did drive-through and brought it home and ate in the garden. So I'm feeling well (if unhealthily) fed and good. K's being a bit of a pain because she hasn't pooed for days and hates it. But doing ok so far.
Have agreed to go to the pub with H today, and see the show tomorrow. Not sure if it's the right thing to do actually, but it seems easier bub-wise.

Ok so here's a fun (or not) activity for anybody bored.... coming up with nice, polite, boundary-setting responses to parenting advice for me next week - I figure if I've got these in my head AHEAD of time it reduces the chance of me being snappy or rude or even shutting up and thinking "i should have said X...."

So what I've got so far:

A. "You're supposed to do X"
1. Supposed to changes every few years. I choose to do Y
2. I'm choosing to use my own judgement
3. I'd like to try Y for a while

B. "Fine, but (whatever catastrophic consequence is supposed to follow from my doing Y)"
1. I'm prepared to risk that
2. It's possible

C. "Well, OBVIOUSLY that's not going to work because..." (usually in reference to something I've tried which has not worked straight away)
1. Perhaps, but I'd like to keep trying for a little while. Not everything works first time.
2. Maybe. Maybe not.

D. "Well OBVIOUSLY that wasn't going to work because..."
I'm a bit stuck on how to respond to this pretty common one that she throws out after the fact of something not working.

E. "Ok then. Do what you want"
1. I intend to.

F. "Well OBVIOUSLY, she's X" (when I know it to be Y)
Never really got the hang of responding to this one either.

Comments/advice welcome!

Yay! Baby eating is good stuff, and if she EATS, she's ready. DD started eating solids by grabbing double-fistfuls of rice off my plate one day while we were out to supper with a bunch of friends. It was adorable.

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But I don't know how to establish the boundary politely.

"You know, I am so glad you've learned how things work for your kids. I'm still learning how it works for mine."

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Oh, this week I might have offended H's mum... She said later "I know you get annoyed with me for always talking over the top of you". So now I feel terrible.

Hee. So -- you let her know how you feel kindly and your MIL acknowledged it, also kindly, even if she's not entirely able to change her behavior. So now you feel guilty? What's up with that?? You did a good job, I think.

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I'm worried that she now thinks I'm picking on her or finding fault...

She may not change, and you may not change, and that's all right. If you can find a humorous and gentle way to acknowledge the ways each annoys the other, that works wonders. Much better than stewing in silence.

So how did baby and banana do at the pub?

Hee. You know, mags, I am so proud of you. You are going through all the godawful stuff of learning to be a parent -- and so is your husband. This is one of the hardest adjustments any couple makes, so the pains and fights and rantings and awfulness that you and your DH are dealing with are entirely normal. Not fun, of course, but entirely normal.

What's really cool, though, is to see you and your husband actually growing and learning from it. Basics like "no really, must have food and sleep or Mama doesn't function" and more complicated things like, "I am going to lose it, here, you hold the baby while I disappear for a couple of hours." The good thing there being that it -was- a good coping strategy and helped you calm down immensely. Oh, and that supper sounds absolutely lovely!!

Does it help when you rub bubs' tummy when she hasn't pooped in a while? As you face her, you want to rub in a gentle clockwise motion. If you press a bit, you can sometimes feel where the poop is backed up and help it along a bit. Don't push hard enough that it hurts her, though!

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"You know, I am so glad you've learned how things work for your kids. I'm still learning how it works for mine."

Will put that on the list!

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So now you feel guilty? What's up with that??

I dunno. It just feels mean to make an old lady self conscious about her behaviour - or feel judged or feel like she's annoying me. But you're right - maybe she wasn't feeling down or bad about it - maybe she was just acknowledging my feelings on it. That's a good thought (especially since every time I actually SAID it she would carry on talking with all her reasons for doing it!). I think I did manage to do it in a 'light' way.
Should I explain to her why it's coming up more often recently? i.e. I've made a decision to be more open about my feelings - rather than I'm finding her more annoying than before? Otherwise she may be wondering what she's suddenly doing wrong?

Baby and banana at the pub. Hmmm. Not exactly a triumph or a failure. I decided not to go to my show tonight, and instead go to a show tomorrow with my friend - so tonight I said I'd go with H to the pub. He had the option of letting it by default be located at X suburb, which is on the way home for him, Guy 1, and Guy 2 lives there, but it's 45 minutes from me. Or he could have asked for it to be at Y suburb, which is ALSO on the way home for Guy 1 and himself, but Guy 2 would have to travel for 20 minutes - and I would get to cut 20 minutes off my journey.
Anyway, he chose the 2nd option. I was a little annoyed because I'd have thought he/they could make some effort to meet in a point that is a midpoint for all - not make the person with the baby drive the longest way. But I also knew that I was a ring-in - I was the optional member of the party - so technically they should get to make their plans and I should fit in to them if I want to come along. So I felt a bit unhappy about it but didn't really blame anybody.

Anyway, by the time K had her nap and was ready to go it was 8pm and H was ready to either stay anohter half hour and then come home, or said I could still come and he'd stay longer. It was POURING rain and K hates driving at night - but I kind of felt I needed to go. Partly because H wouldn't be home till 10 anyway and I needed to get out for the day. And partly because I don't think he really understands the stress and sacrifice and degree of working around that it takes to get a baby who doesn't like driving out at night. I thought maybe if I did go, it would be a good and non-aggressive learning experience.
So luckily because K had slept, she didn't scream on the way down. It was still hell driving alone for 45 minutes in pelting rain with an almost empty tank of petrol with the stress of knowing she would likely be screaming soon and if I pulled over to get fuel it would guarantee it. We got there and it was nice to see his friends, K was georgeous, and H (after a little tiff about his absolute inability to give directions) was ok. On the way back, I KNEW K would be screaming, as she was tired. It was horrible. She screamed the entire way. H was driving too fast to get home quickly but it was scary given the rain. We were both silent and very tense. It's so painful her doing that and not being able to help her in any way.
So anyway, I'm not quite sure I did right. I'm glad I went - I needed some people contact and I would have resented H for making it so far away if I'd let it affect my decision to go. But it being so far did make getting there and back VERY stressful for me, and it was torture for K. And I feel worried that I'm hurting her in the process of getting my needs met and helping H learn about her. My urge is to just not do anything that I know will make her upset. But I don't think H really takes seriously things like "she hates being in a car at night" until he's BEEN in the car with her screaming for 45 mins straight. I'm HOPING now that he'll see the impact of his decisions better - decision to take her out instead of us be at home - decision to arrange it far away from where K is rather than ask for a compromise that would reduce the torture for her - stuff like that. I don't know if he does make the connection. SOMEthing clicked - he was saying that one night a week I could have a night 'off' and drop her with him in the city and do my own thing. But he didn't seem to click that "drop her in the city" meant her travelling in the car at night for an hour - which is her torture. He did say he needs to learn about baby better through trial and error and actually doing stuff with her. And I'm now feeling that she's at the stage where she could have some resilience to cope with that (I just don't want to be around to see it!). So we'll see how it goes. I reckon this weekend he can be the one to feed her her solids. That would be cool for him I think - first time he really gets to be food source instead of me!

Anyway I dunno. I am glad I got out of the house anyway. Poor little K though - 2 nights of screaming for stuff her parents did. It's not very nice.

Yeah that coping strategy was good last night as it emerged. For both of us (Y and I). Not so much for K though. I worry about her having to pay the price for her parents stuffups.

Haha she was hilarious tonight - woke out of the blue with gas so I fed her back to sleep - she was complaining madly while I tried to burp her - screaming blue murder for 30 seconds - and then suddenly CLONK - her head lands (not gently!) on my shoulder and she's out like a light. Little nut! She's TOO like her dad - ability to fall asleep instantly while absolutely furious!

The tummy thing - used to do it when she used to get backed up, but never felt anything - it was liquid in those days though so no wonder. Will try it again now that she's going solid - maybe it would help more.

She pooed tonight though! Very pleased - both her AND me

I can't say that I've ever heard of a baby that a car ride won't soothe, well except for Gracie a couple of times.

We had CD's we had to listen to. One was Baby Elvis lullabies all done in chime like music to Elvis tunes. The other was the soundtrack from OH Brother Where Art Thou movie with George Clooney. We had to listen to it over and over and over again.

We traveled a lot with Gracie in the car. Why don't you start out a couple of nights, right before dark, turn on some tunes and drive around and then go a little further next time.

I do remember one trip where G screamed the whole way back from Chicago. 3 hours. Yep, that CD was going and going and going.

But it always seems to me that she went right to sleep if it was dark out and we were driving...she still does that. I'll look back and she's sitting there with her mouth wide open, snoring away.

Glad there was a good poo though. We like poo on this forum

Hmm I might try that Sandy - I'll make a car copy of the cd she uses to sleep for her naps and see if it helps. Yeah it's crazy she hates the car so much - it's opposite to every baby I've ever heard of! What can I say - asserting her individuality already - I don't even want to THINK about what she'll be like as a teenager...

Funnily she likes it in the day - several car trips in the day lately she's knocked right out even though she's not due for a nap. But night time - just something about it. I've tried driving with the inside light on but she's not tricked...

Oh can I just say - my baby is a PIG! Is it possible to overfeed a baby? Because I think I am...
Today she had apple for breakfast so I wasn't going to give her anything till dinner (yesterday she rejected lunch and the pediatrician said 2 meals a day). We were watching a video and she started complaining and she'd just had milk and a nap so we had no idea why, but I was eating so we thought maybe she wanted to munch.
SHE ATE HALF A BANANA. She just kept going and going! To put this in perspective, this baby has only been on solids for a couple of weeks, and is tiny - she weighs 5 kilos. AND THEN she topped it off with a few pieces of sweet potato for dinner! WTH???? How was she surviving on just milk??? She's a bottomless pit!
Now her face has gotten all round and her thighs are getting too big for the leg holes of her outfits - little nut!

Soooooooooo........ she was hungry? And no, at this age, I don't think you can over-feed her.

(sigh)
Seems one can never do anything right when it comes to kids. I joined one of those facebook groups on 'baby led weaning' and they are telling me off for introducing solids before 6 months because of the risk of allergies, etc. - especially as she is high risk for allergies.
Oh well, whatever. She seemed hungry, I gave her food, she loves it - hopefully it will all be ok and won't make her allergic to anything. Can't do everything right - especially since the research on 'right' gives a different answer every 5 years!
Haha - WHO suggested that in an allergy prone child they go exclusively breastfed for TWELVE months - I can only imagine - I'd have the only 5 kilo 1 year old hanging off my boob full time just to keep up. Argh!

Well it's 2.15am and H is at work. Again. Hasn't packed his bags yet and we're off interstate (5 hour flight) tomorrow. I could REALLY use some help. Times like this I really feel like a single mother. Thank heavens for my dad - I got a short nap because he came to help. Otherwise it's just me on my own to maintain the house feed the bub pack the bags do the laundry take the bins out the list goes on. I really don't feel like there are two people in this marriage. And I know H is stressed too (probably more so), but from where I'm sitting HE is the one who has the ability to control this - I am just at his whim.

Oh well what can I do but keep packing. But at some stage he has to decide whether he wants to be in this marriage or not. Because this constant "it'll be better next week" may fool him, but after 10 years I'd be a fool to still believe it. If he's going to be one of those guys who when he has kids, still chooses work over his kids... well, I guess I have to decide whether I'm willing to pay the price for that.

For now, I just wish some elves would come and pack for me because IM SO SLEEPY!!! And K will be up for a feed in 3 hours...