Husband knows how I feel about affair, but he doesn't end it. Says he wants to sell house then make a decision about "us". I feel like both the girlfriend and I are being kept as safety nets in case one relationship doesn't work out. Should I go to him and prove my feelings? I feel like not having contact with him is just giving hime more freedom to cintinue his life with her. I am feeling very frustrated and am wanting to call hime right now. Going in cirlcles!!!! AAAHHHH!!

Hey Gaylene

what your husband is showing is the addictive nature of infidelity
which has unfortunately nothing to do with how he feels about you or the marriage

his actions are a direct reflection of addictive behaviors

What is addiction?

this is your brain in infidelity

Read thru these links
they may help you to better understand what is happening inside your husband

hugs to you
Gaylene

Hypatia

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Hypatia_SYMC,

Hi Gaylene

I'm also new here and I can't give you any advice at the moment other than please don't do anything until someone with a better understanding of your sitch speaks to you. I just wanted you to know that someone here is thinking of you and is also feeling the same as you this is so hard.

Take care.
(((hugs)))

Hang in there. Your feelings are likely to lead you the wrong way.

Study up on the materail here. Go for a walk, split firewood, post here, etc...

Don't do anything that's against your interests. Selling the house. It sounds like that would be enabling the affair. I might not be enthusiastic about that.

This is marathon country.

All the best,
SB

Heh. SeekingBetter has a good suggestion about selling the house not being a good idea.

So what I want to know is why you're having contact with him? If you're in Protection Phase, he shouldn't be telling you stuff like this directly.

And if it came to you indirectly, then the answer should also be an indirect one. "No, not interested in selling the house right now" would be plenty, but ONLY through someone else.

In other words, stay quiet. Stay dark. Focus on your own growth and the newfound peace of not having to deal with the craziness. It's well worth it. Well, well worth it.

How would selling our home-which he is living in and I am in a different province living-be enabling the affair? Right now it is giving him and the OW a place to settle into whenever the mood strikes. I will not go back to that house even if he begged me to. I do not want to live anywhere near that city or that woman should our marriage work out. The fact that it is not up for sale is stressful to me as I feel like it is holding him back from making up his mind. As long as he has the safety of a place to live I feel he will not move forward, no matter what he says to me.

My mistake - I didn't get that part.

I'm just suggesting you examine each action and even review them here beforehand to understand how it is in your best interest and in accord with your values. It sounded to me like you would be out of your home, etc...

Have you studied up on Protection Phase? Do you have an IM?


All the best,
SB

I'm going to be offline for the most part ofr a week or so.