OH GOD

Just when I was starting to try to sort my life out and feel better about myself I get another blow.

The OW is back working in the shop around the corner now I get to bump into her too what am I going to do please help.

Yikes Mash - I'm sorry!!

Well, I tend to be a black and white thinker, so I think you have three choices:

1) Change jobs;
2) Ask her to leave her job; or
3) Learn to live with her presence.

OW or your H is unlikely to be sympathetic to your request for her to leave. In fact, I find it rather odd OW chose to work so close to you if for no other reason than to be close to you. Icky.

It will be very difficult to learn to live with her presence, and would require some heavy-duty centering on your part. I don't think I could do it.

So, is it possible for you to change jobs or locations? A tall order in this economy I'm sure.....and totally unfair to you (not to mention disrespectful on OW's part). BUT, you'd remove yourself from a lot of drama.

Hugs,
GS

mash,

How are you doing? How's your DD? Have you remained in NC?

GS made some really good points. What can you do to help manage your life better? In the end, that's all you can control.

HoFS

I'm in hospital right now for some tests.

OW's job is about 200 yards from my HOME and DS's HOME. I'm gonna HAVE to sell.

I've been away for 3 weeks and I came home on friday night. Saturday night I saw OW car parked near my home this is how I found out she was working there again. I told the kids that she was back in the area they are so angry.

DD went to have a look at her she said she was curious. She parked outside and stayed in the car to look from a distance the OW saw her and was glaring at DD so she drove off.

DD went to see her dad she was so upset and angry this is the first contact she had with him since he walked away from her 8 weeks ago.

I don't know at this moment what was said between them but when I spoke to her she was in a mess.

H also called me this was the first conversation with him in 5 weeks I answered because I knew it was about DD. NOW he wants to be civil with me because he thinks this is gonna make things right between him and DD. He cried again about what he has done to all of us and that he is sorry and again he wants to kill himself and he misses his life and wishes he could turn the clock back he dosen't like to see me the way I am (weight loss caused by his exit form my life).

I asked him about OW working there he said it is short term until her branch is refurbished. There are about 50 branches within driving distance from her home he said she had no choice where she was put, but she got a transfer quick enough when I found out about the A.

DD wants to expose them to everyone that frequents the place (they probably know) and to her parents who probably don't know whats your thoughts on this is it too late to do that as we have now been seperated for 20 months.

I had a birthday on Sunday he hand delivered to my postbox a card with a gift of money in it for my birthday.

I just don't know what to do I'm so sick of this.

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You know, there's some change that you're literally sick with all this. I wonder why you give this woman so much power over your world? Do you believe the things that her existence seem to say about you?

Breathe. Breathe a lot. Whoever cries about whatever they've done, breathe. The answer is not about crying. The answer is about doing.

So breathe. Soothe yourself. Breathe more.

Sorry Just J I was just editing my last post and we must have overlapped.

Yes there has been some changes of my attitude towards everything and just when I start to feel a bit stronger about everything I get another knock that brings me right back to square 1 again.

Mash xx

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*hug* Sorry about all those knocks, mash. Are there things you can do to self-soothe and bring some peace into your world? It's about the right time of year for what was my only solace in a very difficult time -- daffodils. Have you seen the daffodils yet this year?

quote:

OW's job is about 200 yards from my HOME and DS's HOME. I'm gonna HAVE to sell.

May I suggest that hanging any part of your decision where to be or what to do on where or what OW is doing is part of the problem rather than part of the solution? Don't turn avoiding her into some type of sacred cow. That masks a wound rather than curing it.

quote:

Whoever cries about whatever they've done, breathe. The answer is not about crying. The answer is about doing.

Wow. Ditto. May I nominate this statement for the completely undemocratic and unheralded "Succinct Brilliance" award of the month?

quote:

May I nominate this statement for the completely undemocratic and unheralded "Succinct Brilliance" award of the month?

Heh. Sure. I've been working on brevity. Things gets through better that way. I'm glad I got there at least once!

Well guess what now? H wants us to go buy another house together.

I just can't understand him why would he want to do this? Is he crazy? This would mean that he and I would still be tied but he isn't showing any attempt to give up OW he tells me he hardly ever sees her but what dose that mean it is just rubbish and anyway he is still seeing her no matter how often.

I needed his permission and signature to sell our home so that I could move away from here I was also giving him an out I told him that DD and I just want to get away from all the drama and get on with our lives the best that we could and for the first time since all this started he opened up just a little but I was surprised at what he was saying and the way he was talking he seemed very confussed I felt sorry for him he told me he was going to make a big effort with DD and when I was leaving he said he would call me.

I don't know what to make of this or how to handle it, it just seems bizarre.

It seems bizarre, because it IS bizarre. A couple who buys a house together, in most cases...has a solid relationship together...tied emotionally and financially where you feel secure in your future together.

He's in la-la land, so now I'm just talking to you Mash - no financial investor in the world, would advise you to go into business with someone you do not have a relationship with, feel financially secure with, nor trust. From a business standpoint, H should be the last person you should go into business with.

I'm a little confused about one detail though: Were you asking him now to give you permission to sell your existing home, and then he brought up this new "investment?" I mean, when you were asking him to sign off on your current home, did he ask you to buy a new one in the same conversation? If so, it sounds like him trying to hold onto in a very weird way...

Anyway, I doubt any sound financial advisor would tell you to get more in debt with an estraged husband. Logically, it makes no sense.

Waywards in general, make no logical sense. It's their...ummm...idiom. It's so frustrating to try and make sense of them - and the answer is really to stop trying to assign logic. There usually isn't any.

Rely on you Mash. I think you already know the answer.

Hi

H and OW's relationship is over. He told DS last week and told me last night. I don't know the reason for the break-up he just said it's over and nothing else about it.

When I told my aunt that OW was back in the area she suggested to me that there was trouble in the relationship and she thought that was why OW came back here I think she could have been right my aunt also suggested the OW was trying to get a reaction from me well she's not getting it.

I went out to get some milk with DD on Tuesday OW was standing outside her place of work having a cigarette I pulled up got out of the car and she was glaring at us I just smiled ignoring her and went about my business. At this time, I didn't know they had split up I was a wreck but I didn't let her see that she was upsetting me or causing me to have an anxiety attack I was so proud of myself.

So now I'm wondering if this had anything to do with H offer. H also told DS that he thinks I have met someone although I don't know how he came to that conclusion. I don't really know how I'm feeling about all this. I think I'm in shock I waited so long to here this news I thought it would never come and now that I have heard it I'm struggling to believe it.


Mash x (is a little happier today ).

Hi Mash

I'm glad you're happier today. I'm glad this news you've been waiting for has finally arrived. And well done acting so unperturbed around OW. I'm very proud of you too! That's a tough thing to do.

I'm also a little worried for you I guess. I don't know what other expectations you've attached to this announcement, that you could get disappointed on. Do you have some? Do you know what they are?

Anyway, I'm glad you've finally had some positive news on this whole saga.

Good morning mags.

Your up very early today I read some of your thread yesterday I'm so jealous of you having a little 10 month old I also love them at that age its just the greatest my "baby" is gonna be 20 this year and to have a child full of hugs is just the best thing in the world.

I don't have any expectations. Oh I used to have it all worked out in my head what would happen with us if that happened to them but it has been so long now and I'm wondering if it is too late for us.

I don't know the circumstances of the break up and I think this would make a difference to my train of thought. I just don't know. I didn't sleep much last night just been trying to think everything through.

Mash x

No I'm at the other end of the world so im up late!
She's 3 months thank heavens, it's such an easy age. Thanks for saying that about being jealous - it reminds me to feel grateful, as im feeling a little trapped by her tonight. I forget how lucky I am, she's such a delight right now.
I'm glad you are realistic in your expectations. You've been disappointed enough already and I'd hate to see you jerked around again.

Wow your DS is 20! That must be an amazing feeling.

No mags DD is almost 20 and DS is 23 with a little 3 year old.

I must have mis-read something from your posts yesterday no wonder I thought time was flying past so quickly.

I don't think H is interested in me anymore. He keeps talking about the constant reminders of his infidelity when he watches TV, but I think he uses this as an excuse for staying away when we all know the real reason he stays away. It feels very much like he is keeping me on the back burner I don't even know if he is telling me the truth or why he even mentioned the split. He says he would like to get away for a few days on his own to think about his life and what he wants.

This hurts a lot and I have come to expect nothing from him.

I spoke with OW the other night and need help prossessing the conversation can anyone help.

Mash

Things that she said made me go investigate some more. She tried to steer me way off in the wrong direction but that has all backfired on her I was actually ready for Divorcing my H But I'm cetainley not gonna do that now. Now I understand my H and what he has done and even how he has behaved what a wicked woman.
Mash

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How are you doing, Mash?

Mash, sorry I've been away for a bit.

What's up? Tell me about this conversation with OW.