Last Friday, I caught my husband in bed with his co-worker of 10 years. I have always hated their friendship but have welcomed her and her husband into our home because of my husband.
My husband says he is truly sorry for ruining two families and swears he does not want our marriage to end. She has told her husband as well and he and I have told them they are not to having anything to do with the other person or their family. However, they still work together. Should I force my husband to quit his job?

Sorry to hear about your painful experience. At least you know for sure. Most people don't find out for a long time, and have to go through all kinds of lies and denial.

My WH was out of the house and I went to his place and the roommate let me in, and I caught WH and OW in bed. I know how awful that experience is.

But to answer your question, no they cannot work together or have any kind of contact.

{{{{Iriddle}}}}

Welcome to SYMC. I am sorry you had to witness this and learn about the betrayal. How horrible. This weekend marks the third annivesary of me discovering my ex-wife's first affair. I can sympathize with the pain you feel as well as the anger and saddness.

You ask some good questions. I highly recommend that you go to Penny's article section,
http://www.saveyourmarriagecentral.com/pages/2/index.htm
and read as much as you can about infidelity and how to repair your marriage. It can happen. Also, I recommend you buy or borrow a copy of Dr. Willard Harley's SAA book (see bookstore site on SYMC) and read through it. You will learn a great deal about how infidelity starts and what is needed to start recovery.

The work question is difficult. You can't force your husband to do anything. You can tell him about your feelings, the anxiety, etc., and see if there is a way to work out some system of accountability and trust for you. His life should be an open book to you and the same is true in reverse. Sometimes it is necessary for the betraying spouse to change jobs to minimize their pain and their partner's pain and to help recovery move forward. However, in your situation, there may be other options for your H to explore for avoiding contact with this co-worker. Start brainstorming but tell him how you feel and what you need to feel like you can trust him. Remember, you can't force him to do anything.

And to answer a questin you asked in your other post, no, this can't be swept under the rug. Together you need to understand what was missing in your marriage so that you can move forward. It is critical that your H avoid contact with this woman and it necessary for you to communicate, respectfully, what will help you feel safe in your marriage again. You need to be prepared for a lot of work but the rewards are incredible.

The other thing you'll need to do is to figure out how to spend a lot of time together. That is crucial for you both to develop the romantic feelings for each other again.

So read on and let us know how we can help.

HoFS

I'm sorry you are in this situation.

You cannot force your husband to do anything, however, you should make it clear how you feel about the two of them working together and encourage him to get another job.

Any contact at all between the two of them puts your recovery back at square 1 and begins the withdrawal symptoms all over.

I highly suggest that you get the book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Willard Harley and Dr. Jennifer Chalmers and read it together.

lriddle, are you still out there? HoFS and *Tak* have given you the right advice -- you can't force him, but you can and should ask for him to end all contact with her. If that takes quitting his job, I'd ask him to seriously consider it.

And do read the things that were suggested... there's lots of work to be done to repair your marriage.