Hello,

I recognise quite some people from the MB boards here.

Penny told me about this board - it looks fairly new, I can still smell the paint.
I finally took your advice from "over there" and started working with Penny.

A lot of symptoms suggest that my H is a sexual addict. I know for a fact that he's using internet porn. If there's anything else going on, I don't know. I'd say No, but then again I realised by Penny's questions that I might have been blissfully naive and assuming H is telling me the truth.

As I'm a complete non-tekkie, maybe some of you more apt with modern technology can help. I'd like to find out how much and what kind of porn H is viewing online. Unfortunately, he passworded his personal account on our computer so I can't get into any History or Temporary Internet Files.

Thanks!

Get Love,

I'm not a tekkie....but nevertheless wanted to say Hi and welcome to this forum. There is software that can do all that you want...but try posting to Takola...she may be able to point you in the right direction.

quote:

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Originally posted by GetLoveBack:
.... Unfortunately, he passworded his personal account on our computer so I can't get into any History or Temporary Internet Files.

Thanks!

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And he locked you out for what reason? Not much openness and honesty there.

There are several options available for logging computer keystrokes and activity. Personally, I used SpectorSoft products. It was easy to install and use. However, I'm not sure if it would work on a system where you can't load it under someone's user area. Maybe others can help. You still have rights to know what he is doing on the computer and he should be forward with that.

HoFS

I agree but he doesn't. He insists on having his privacy and keeping the office door shut while he's online.
The password is recent. Before, I was able to go into his account. That's how I found a bunch of adult websites in his History and a lot of e-mails with the "newest, hottest", you name it.
I confronted him about that by telling him how much it hurts me, especially as he's hiding it and lying about it.
After that, the password appeared.

So it's not so much about knowing IF - I think the password sends that message rather clearly - but more the WHAT and how often.

Thanks for welcoming me here!

GLB

Hi Get Love,


Add me to the list of those who don't know much about how to accomplish what you're after. I'm sure others will jump in and help you out.

Just wanted to say hello and bid you welcome.

Hope you find this to be a warm, safe, welcoming place.



Volunteer Coordinator
sharonsymc@aol.com

____________________________
met 6-2-99, engaged 6-2-00, married 6-2-01, H moves out 3-26-02, H moves home 5-27-02, Recovered

The significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. - Albert Einstein

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result. Persistence is great, but you must persist with something that works.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. - Albert Einstein

It isn't what is done to us that defines us, it is how we respond to it. - Takola

quote:

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He insists on having his privacy and keeping the office door shut while he's online.

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You will know he is not online looking at porn when this type of secretive behavior stops. Until then, it is not your job to demonstrate to him that he is still using it, it is his job to demonstrate to you when he isn't.

____________________________
met 6-2-99, engaged 6-2-00, married 6-2-01, H moves out 3-26-02, H moves home 5-27-02, Recovered

The significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. - Albert Einstein

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result. Persistence is great, but you must persist with something that works.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. - Albert Einstein

It isn't what is done to us that defines us, it is how we respond to it. - Takola

Thanks, Tak!

I really need to be reminded of stuff like that. I moved into the phase where I will be exposing his porn use to his family soon, and I felt I had to have some solid proof in hands. But then again, he admitted to porn use, tells me that it's normal and all men do it, and never made a commitment to stop - no matter what I'd do. He even said once - that was after he literally spend the whole night online, until 6 a.m., at his parents' house while we were visiting! - that he thinks he might have a problem with his porn use in terms of addiction. Unfortunately, that didn't lead to any further action.

So I guess that's as much proof as I need?

As he's gone for business right now, I feel quite guilty forging these plans behind his back of "betraying" him by exposing the porn use. As if I was betraying his trust and destroying the M. Or is that normal? I think, though, when he's back home and I get more of his behavior than the relatively nice chats on the phone, I will be more firm in my conviction that I'm doing the one thing that's left to do for this M to be saved.

Thank you!

GLB

GLB,

Like Tak...I think it's logical to believe that his actions indicate further activity in pornography. I have never seen "exposure" used under those circumstances....but it sounds interesting. I'm going to go and read some of the Patrick Carnes stuff...he has a new book out "In the Shadow of the Internet" that deals specifically with Internet Porn addiction. Have you read any of his stuff?

I'm waiting for that book to arrive here.

What did you mean about the exposure under those conditions?

Oh, and I found a way around his password though I don't know what I deleted removing it.
He had one porn site in his favorites but unfortunately the History was sweeped clean. Maybe he wasn't so sure about his password.

Even though I know I don't need any proof anymore, I was just curious. I guess it just confirmed what I already knew. Eased some of my guilty conscience.

GLB