For those who know me and don't monitor "the other place":

Last month Mrs. Hold applied to join a local version of a weight loss competition modeled on the tv show The Biggest Loser. She was not selected, but they offered for her to join the "shadow" team which meets once a week rather than 3 times a week. When she went to sign up for the shadow team, they announced that one participant had dropped out and she could be on one of the "real" teams. So she signed up. For 8 weeks she is competing to see which team can lose the highest % of their weight. After 11 years of weight gain and no exercise, I am proud that she has chosen to take this step to try to become more fit.

So far they have done 1.5 weeks and Mrs. Hold has gone to the gym every day. She is tired and sore but determined. Good for her.

Hey that's great! Sounds like Mrs. Hold has a pretty good cheerleader too.

Hold, we have a GNO next Wed. at 9 pm ET if you are able to join us again. All the best to you guys!

HoFS

I would enjoy speaking with you guys. I checked the GNO thread and put the date and phone number into my calendar. Hopefully nothing will interfere with my availability.

And yes, I am trying to be a good cheerleader. She is on the orange team. For her birthday, I got her a cashmere scarf and an Italian carry bag - both orange. She wears the scarf every day to the gym.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: holdingontoit,

Woooo hoooo!!!!

Go Mrs Hold! You rock!!!



P

That's cool! I'm never going to be able to do that with my approach, which is:

- HoFS is the best cook I know, so he can cook for me. Today was biscuits made with cream and stir fried chicken in a sesame batter.

- Wii Fit is fun.

I -am- enjoying it, though.

Mrs. Hold lost 1.8 pounds during week 2, to bring her to a total of 4.2 pounds. She and her friend who lost the same amount are bummed. They lost the least of the 30 contestants. I told them not to compare themselves to the others. Everyone has their own body chemistry. They should be proud of themselves for going to the gym every day, watching theor diets, and actually losing weight. Wishing her strength the get through week #3.

In week 3 she lost 1.8 pounds again. Brought total to 6. She was very disappointed, as she had lost the least of all 30 contestants. She decided to try Alli to help jump start her weight loss. Week 4 she lost 3.8 pounds. Brings her to 9.8 pounds total and she is happy with her progress.

FanTAStic!!!

Week 5 did not go so well. Mrs. Hold gained half a pound. She exercised all but 1 day. She thinks that maybe having pizza for dinner on 2 nights (even though she did not have much) may have been her downfall. No pizza this week.

Coming from someone who lost about 40lbs in 6 or so months, when you eat something like pizza or anything of that sort, you MUST drink LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of water. Of course, ideally you will stay away from those foods. However, we all know that's not always the case. Another thing that helped me wonderfully was parsley tea. YOu can buy it and drink it (yuck) or you can by parsley tea capsules, just be ready to pee regularly (like all the time lol).

Exercise wise, you can burn 700-800 calories by putting the treadmill at the highest level it will go and keep it, I believe at 2.8 or above (might be a little faster than that) and walk for an hour.

Week 6 she lost 1.8 pounds. Week 7 she lost 2.2 pounds. She is disappointed because she has lost the least of anyone on her team. I told her to be glad she is 14 pounds lighter than 7 weeks ago.

Yesterday she said she wants to lose weight in advance of D12's party next fall. This is a major change, since for S14's party a year ago she said she had no intention of losing any weight (and she didn't). Not sure what has triggered the change of heart.

Part of me still thinks she is trying to lose weight to be more "marketable". Part of me would welcome that. Another part of me is appalled by the part of me that would welcome that.

Boy, I wish I had her motivation! If she's looking for that extra 14 pounds, I know where some of it has gone visiting. :P

Down with ice cream!

She lost 3 pounds the final week of the formal competition, for a total of 17 pounds. Kudos to her for a great job. They have a less intense follow-on program, and she joined that. Good for her.

She is still disappointed, but I think I pulled her out of it. After having several of my compliments thrown back in my face in a nasty tone, I said something like "OK, I guess compliments are out. Let's try another tack. Wow, you have an astonishingly large butt!" She laughed and said "OK, I give in, back to the compliments."

She's done awesome, Hold. I would also wager that the NATURE of her weight has changed significantly. Muscle weighs more than fat, you know. Net weight loss is not, itself, a sufficient measure.

quote:

Net weight loss is not, itself, a sufficient measure.

Correct, and I have mentioned that to her occassionally.

She has now lost 27 pounds and is on her way to cross another "decade" point (10s digit decreasing from 6 to 5). She is in great shape (her aerobics instructor is amazed how far she has come in a few months). She looks great (my Mom was very impressed when she saw her last weekend).

I am pleased for her. Gives her something to focus on. A feeling of accomplishment. Doesn't help our marriage. But that is largely my fault.

Antigone, you described in someone else's thread how you felt toward the end of your marriage. How you just didn't care. That is where I am.

Last weekend Mrs. Hold and I were discussing summer plans for the kids. She approached me as I was pulling dandelions (she came home from her workout) and asked me whether S14 can go to camp. I explained that we can't afford to send S14 to summer camp. She started getting agitated about what she is going to do with the kids. I gave her several suggestions. She rejected them all out of hand. I asked her if she would join me pulling dandelions. She got more upset and walked away. Says she can't take talking to me. Next thing I know she gets in her car and roars out of the driveway. I continue to pull weeds. I am not upset that she is angry. Or that she drove away in a huff. I don't care where she is going. Or when she plans to return. I was surprised how calm I was. I spent another hour pulling weeds. When I went inside, her car was in the garage. I guess she returned while I was in the back and didn't hear her. I wasn't happy she had returned. I didn't feel any need to continue the conversation or to ask her about her absence. I just didn't care.

Mrs. Hold has now lost 35 pounds!

And, how are you?

P

I remain eeyore. Until I release my grip on negativity, my view of my situation is an unreliable gauge. My kids are doing well, which is a blessing. I remain employed, another blessing especially in these times. I was appointed to the board of my synagogue, which is a welcome opportunity to develop new friendships. So I would say I am doing well despite my lack of inner peace. My wife would say I am incapable of inner peace. Not sure I disagree.

So what makes you incapable of inner peace?

A tangled spaghetti plate of thoughts and feelings that all add up to not being willing to do the work to achieve inner peace. Don't like myself. Don't respect myself. Don't love myself. Don't think I deserve inner peace. Can't imagine ever obtaining inner peace. Afraid of change. Afraid of trying and failing. Lazy. Pessimistic.

I am comfortable not having inner peace. It is all I have ever known. I have accepted it is my lot in life to be unhappy. I have long since given up on trying to become happier. Self-fulfilling prophesy.

I feel I have squandered so many talents and opportunities that I deserve to be punished for being so frivolous / cavalier / thoughtless / self-absorbed and condescending. For those sins I deserve to be punished. And I will make sure I receive my full measure.

Basically I am just ticking off the days waiting to die. No goals. No plans. Just allowing life to happen to me.

The psychiatrist who said I need daily analysis to rewire my personality was probably right. But I have no motivation to undertake that process. So I will allow my disorder to destroy whatever faint hope might exist for me to achieve success in life. And I will thank myself for allowing it to happen.

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I failed to notice an issue at work over the past few weeks. Anyone could have missed it. There were other lawyers on the team who missed it as well. But it was my job to handle that aspect of the transaction. And I blew it.

Lately I felt sorta kinda good about where things were at work. I had one or 2 niches where people were using me. I had helped land a major project. My hours worked were a little better.

Of course, that last about 10 days before I got brought back to reality. I blew it. The client is angry. The partner I worked with is angry. And I am back to my comfortable misery.

On the way home from work on the day we discovered the problem, I screamed at God. People in cars around me were looking at me when we stopped at red lights. I am a decent person. I mean well. Why can't I get an unconditional win? Why does even my rare win usually get turned into an even bigger disaster?

Then I realized that bad things happen to good people. And I have it better than most. So I shouldn't complain. But I still do. Which is why I deserve my unhappiness. And why I will never achieve inner peace.

Happiness and he!! are between one's ears. And there is no place for happiness between my ears.

That is why I go home and play computer games. It distracts me. So I don't hear the voice inside my head saying "you are worthless".

I cannot tell you how much it hurt to hear my son say "I wish I never existed" when he was younger. I immediately knew how he felt. I have spent the past few years trying to help him overcome that voice. Negate that voice inside his head. I hope I have given him the tools to tell that voice to shut up without having to numb or distract himself. I hope I have broken the cycle. I'm just not sure I want to live long enough to see if it works.

What if it doesn't work? What will I do then? What would be distracting / numbing enough to enable me to shut out THAT voice? Not something I wish to contemplate.