Integrity, honor, and a very weak spine.

Nice try .. but no go.

Wikipedia says in part: Integrity is consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcome. As a holistic concept, it judges the quality of a system in terms of its ability to achieve its own goals. read more ....

A weak spine and integrity/honor are mutually exclusive.

P

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How can I not feel this way.

Yes, true.

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I can think of nothing else to do, at this point. At least, nothing else I WANT to do

Yes I guess this is what I'm getting at. If you WANT to stay in your current situation more than you want to do any of the other options - then in the end that is your choice. But I guess it may be important to keep in mind that it is a CHOICE - you could choose otherwise, though the alternatives are not easy/pleasant either. Inaction is a choice too.

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My history leads me to believe that I'll just take whatever abuse comes next

Yes history is a pretty good predictor of future behaviour, and self awareness is important. However it's not the only predictor.

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Yes, it is. But I just feel that my learning to accept things as they've been, as I believe she wants it to be, is not really something I want to work all that hard on.

This is interesting. Because I was thinking that the work you were doing on learning to be assertive would - if it was effective - be what gets you to the point that you change that historical trend and STOP accepting behaviour that to you is unnaceptable. At the moment it sounds like you're in a rut of unwilling acceptance - letting it go on but being unhappy about it - but not being assertive enough to change the dance.

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I'm beginning to feel like there's not all that much wrong with me. I feel like it's time for me to play victim for a while, and to expect some others to change their ways to suit me, for a change.

That would be the fair thing. But she currently has no reason to change. And of course, even once she has reason, she may choose not to. So all you can change is you.

Which, as I know, helps things not at all. Talking about changing oneself is easy - doing is harder - every day I rail against my situation that I'm unhappy with but can't find a way to accept OR change. So I just rant and rave and nag my husband and hope that something will click some day. Maybe it will maybe it won't. Probably the latter I guess but I keep hoping, because it's an easier option than either accepting his behaviour or leaving him. I guess that's where you're at too - just more quietly...