stunned,

The word "betrayed" does indeed imply that the loyal spouse is a victim. IMO the loyal spouse should be seen in a more favorable light...not a victim of some heinous crime but a spouse that is LOYAL to his/her marital vows.

The disloyal spouse on the other hand is referred to as "wayward" which implies that he/she has simply lost their way and strayed off the straight and narrow marital path. This term does not imply the seriousnesss of the issue at hand as does DISLOYAL.

So it boils down to how the LOYAL wants to be viewed...as a victim (BS) or as one that has held true (LOYAL)to his/her marital vows.(LS)

JMO

Mmmm.... no we're not a spin off. Similar in some respects and very very different in others.

Bad habits? You mean using acronyms in general? (You should see the ones at the thyroid cancer boards - I have yet to figure out all the those T's and G's and lists of accompanying numbers) or the particular acronyms?

At MB we saw WS and BS almost exclusively because that's how Bill Harley writes. Glass uses involved and univolved spouse or parnter in her writing along with some others - straying is one that she uses as well. Michele is more into marriage in general than into infidelity and I'm not sure what gets used on her board. And then there is the Dr. Phil phenemenon - who know what terms and acronyms will come from there.

The point is - there will be posters here coming from all persuasions and they can use what is most comfortable to them and I'm sure we'll figure it out and be just fine. I like BP and WP or SP - it's how I write.

Loyal or disloyal - works too - for me though it's a bit fuzzier - I think being a workaholic is disloyal and that could be the partner who is NOT having an affair. Ohhhhh what tangled webs we weave......

P

It Takes A Village To Save A Marriage

oooo Ba, incredibly good point.
I personally do not like to be viewed as a victim, for many reasons.
I like LOYAL SPOUSE or LOYAL PARTNER.

And I too feel that the term "wayward" or "wandering' does not even begin to touch upon the severity of what their "wandering' has done to a marraige.

me-42 yr o
H (WS)-46 yr o
met-feb 2001
M 06-23-01
BabyLuv born 01-24-02

absolute affairs (EA and/or PA) to date-3
two of these are reoccurring for the past three years, one of which is w/ X-W

susupected other affiars- 2

I may have been one of the OW, the one that got pregnant.

One very important thing that we are forgetting in this conversation. There are no winners in infidelity. Everyone gets hurt. I personally have never like the idea of labeling a spouse with every reference to him or her. In an initial post to let others know what the story is - great. But every reference after that becomes a judgment - a holier than thou. We're not.

Infidelity hurts everyone. It is an addiction. If we are to save marriages - our stated purpose - then we need to set aside judgment and condemnation and figure out what we need to do to help both the addict and the spouse. We need to have compassion and empathy. We need to see beyond the affair and our own pain in dealing with it to what needs to be done to help save the marriage.

Name calling won't do it. Figuring out who is more betrayed or more hurt won't do it. Engages our passions and fuels our fires - but it won't save a marriage. We do that by using our intellect to take what scientific and anecdotal evidence tell us about human dynamics and putting it to work.

If we are going to do real work of bringing couples and families back together then we need to make coming home safe and welcoming. There is no place for punishment or entitlement on the part of the waiting spouse - or their advisors and supporters.

P

It Takes A Village To Save A Marriage

VERY VERY good point Penny. W/ Infidelity, NO ONE is the winner, the marraige is the looser.

So, on that note, I will officially return to WP and BP.

It takes two to Tango, no matter what the situation.

me-42 yr o
H (WS)-46 yr o
met-feb 2001
M 06-23-01
BabyLuv born 01-24-02

absolute affairs (EA and/or PA) to date-3
two of these are reoccurring for the past three years, one of which is w/ X-W

susupected other affiars- 2

I may have been one of the OW, the one that got pregnant.

How about CP=committed partner and SP=straying partner

star*bump

FCOL - For Crying Out Loud (not to be mistaken for "fool")

YDU - You Don't Understand! I have heard this one more than enough times to warrant an acronymn.

Disclaimer: Posted with mild sarcasm.

Ba,

Sarcastic or not, I like the suggestions. I added them.



____________________________
met 6-2-99, engaged 6-2-00, married 6-2-01, H moves out 3-26-02, H moves home 5-27-02, Recovered

The significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. - Albert Einstein

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result. Persistence is great, but you must persist with something that works.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. - Albert Einstein

It isn't what is done to us that defines us, it is how we respond to it. - Takola

IP - Intervention Phase a.k.a Plan A ala MB

This one somehow got overlooked.

Well, I hope we can add:
ILYBANILWY
WASM
INSS
WJF

That would be I love you but am not in love with you, we are soulmates, I need some space, and we're just friends.