To make a long story short.... My H started talking to his Ex about our problems. This went from talking about our problems to her make "sexual" comments to him. When this was going on he started to pull away from me emotionally and physically. I checked his email and found out about these emails and confronted him about then. I wasn't mean in anyway but just asked him why he never stopped her for talking that way to him. He said it made him feel good. Anyways then he was away on a business trip and we got into a fight. When he came home he wasn't wearing his ring and he told me he had tried cheating on my with the OW but she said no. I don't know if this is true or not to this day. From then on out everyday was a fight. He would show me no love but would say I love you and kiss or hug me only if I did it first. Now we are separated...he said he needs to find himself and find out what he wants. But he is only doing this for himself and nothing for our marriage or me. I only wish he would have decided that before we got married. So now here I sit lost, lonely, and confused everyday trying to understand what went so wrong.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One day at a time.

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.



Me: 24
Him: 25
Married: May 31,2003
Separated: March 1,2004

{{{Hugs}}}

This does sound like an active affair situation. Do you have any way of knowing if they are in contact or not? How far does OW live from your H?

____________________________
met 6-2-99, engaged 6-2-00, married 6-2-01, H moves out 3-26-02, H moves home 5-27-02, Recovered

The significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. - Albert Einstein

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result. Persistence is great, but you must persist with something that works.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. - Albert Einstein

It isn't what is done to us that defines us, it is how we respond to it. - Takola

I have no way of knowing if they talk or not. He has changed his passwords for his email thats the only way I found out last time. She lives 2 hours away from where he is. I know she works 3-4 jobs and doesn't have a lot of time to anything else but I know that wouldn't stop anything from happening.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One day at a time.

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.



Me: 24
Him: 25
Married: May 31,2003
Separated: March 1,2004

http://groups.msn.com/OurWeddingPhotos/presentingmrandmrsmatthewharris.msnw

quote:

---

He has changed his passwords for his email thats the only way I found out last time.

---

This is a very big clue.

____________________________
met 6-2-99, engaged 6-2-00, married 6-2-01, H moves out 3-26-02, H moves home 5-27-02, Recovered

The significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. - Albert Einstein

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result. Persistence is great, but you must persist with something that works.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. - Albert Einstein

It isn't what is done to us that defines us, it is how we respond to it. - Takola

I know I guess deep down inside I'm refusing to believe this is happening.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One day at a time.

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.



Me: 24
Him: 25
Married: May 31,2003
Separated: March 1,2004

http://groups.msn.com/OurWeddingPhotos/presentingmrandmrsmatthewharris.msnw

It's hard. You don't want to know. You don't want it to be real. You want to wake up from what must surely be a nightmare.

However, not believing your reality doesn't make it less real. It means that you aren't dealing with it and it is going on unabated. The best thing that you can do is detach emotionally to a degree and get in a good plan and stick to it regardless of what he says/does.

So, tell me, what type of plan have you initiated since he has been gone? What steps have you taken?

____________________________
met 6-2-99, engaged 6-2-00, married 6-2-01, H moves out 3-26-02, H moves home 5-27-02, Recovered

The significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. - Albert Einstein

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result. Persistence is great, but you must persist with something that works.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. - Albert Einstein

It isn't what is done to us that defines us, it is how we respond to it. - Takola

I just wanted to send some ((((HUGS)))) your way. I'm new to all this myself. I agree that him changing his password is a big clue. My thoughts are with you.

To be honest I don't know what or where to start. I've made many mistakes since he put me on a plane and sent me to Arizona. I've called him crying and begging to let me come home. He saids if I keep pushing it will be over. He always gets mad at me when we talk even if it has nothing to to with our marriage. He has started ignoring my calls which is really bad. The reason I see this as bad is because he promised to support me (money) when he can but it has been 2 weeks and I haven't seen anything. I can't expect my parents to support me like they have been. I want to get a job but without a car or bus pass it makes it hard to do. He promised to bring me some of my stuff (mainly my cat) and hasn't even tried to make time for that.

Should I stop calling all together?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One day at a time.

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.



Me: 24
Him: 25
Married: May 31,2003
Separated: March 1,2004

http://groups.msn.com/OurWeddingPhotos/presentingmrandmrsmatthewharris.msnw

quote:

---

Originally posted by JadedOne:
I just wanted to send some ((((HUGS)))) your way. I'm new to all this myself. I agree that him changing his password is a big clue. My thoughts are with you.

---

Thank you {{{Hugs}}} back

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One day at a time.

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.



Me: 24
Him: 25
Married: May 31,2003
Separated: March 1,2004

http://groups.msn.com/OurWeddingPhotos/presentingmrandmrsmatthewharris.msnw

quote:

---

I've made many mistakes since he put me on a plane and sent me to Arizona.

---

How did it come about that he put you on a plane and sent you somewhere?

How often do you call?
____________________________
met 6-2-99, engaged 6-2-00, married 6-2-01, H moves out 3-26-02, H moves home 5-27-02, Recovered

The significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. - Albert Einstein

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result. Persistence is great, but you must persist with something that works.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. - Albert Einstein

It isn't what is done to us that defines us, it is how we respond to it. - Takola

The last day in Feb. we got into a huge fight. I was angery and feeling rejected because he wouldn't show me any love or affection. The next day I told him I wanted to make up...he responded with "I'm going to file for divorce". Of course I freaked out and asked why. He said "I never really understood what people meant when they said "I was seeing red". I almost got physical with you. I almost hit you and I don't want to do that." After a long day of fighting he talked to my sister-in-law and decided to separate instead. For how long I don't know.

As for the calls...I was calling everyday just to talk but everytime I had "brakedown" I called upset. Yes I know that was wrong. Now everytime I have the urge to call him I pray for stranth not to. I haven't talked to him in two days now. Only by short emails.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One day at a time.

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.



Me: 24
Him: 25
Married: May 31,2003
Separated: March 1,2004

http://groups.msn.com/OurWeddingPhotos/presentingmrandmrsmatthewharris.msnw

Keep calls to one a week except in emergencies. Right now you are enabling the situation by appearing to eager to be with him.

I'm interested in how you went from he wants to separate to putting you on a plane and sending you to Arizona. Why didn't he move out?

____________________________
met 6-2-99, engaged 6-2-00, married 6-2-01, H moves out 3-26-02, H moves home 5-27-02, Recovered

The significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. - Albert Einstein

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result. Persistence is great, but you must persist with something that works.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. - Albert Einstein

It isn't what is done to us that defines us, it is how we respond to it. - Takola

He feels that until he knows what he wants it would be better for us not to be together. I had no say in this...it was this or divorce. Plus the apartment we live in is payed for by the family company (which I no longer work for but own 7.5% of). He told me a week ago if I came home before he was ready he would move out which would leave me in the same place I am now. No job, no money, no car.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One day at a time.

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.



Me: 24
Him: 25
Married: May 31,2003
Separated: March 1,2004

http://groups.msn.com/OurWeddingPhotos/presentingmrandmrsmatthewharris.msnw

But he still may be financially liable to give you support or interim support. You can file for this, and is something you should check out in the state in which you reside with your H (legal address).

You say you had no say in it. Can you explain that further to me?

Did you read the stuff in the link I gave you on the other board a few days ago?

____________________________
met 6-2-99, engaged 6-2-00, married 6-2-01, H moves out 3-26-02, H moves home 5-27-02, Recovered

The significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. - Albert Einstein

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result. Persistence is great, but you must persist with something that works.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. - Albert Einstein

It isn't what is done to us that defines us, it is how we respond to it. - Takola

Hey I have to go for now ... I'm going to see a lawyer so I know my rights. I'll be back soon. {{{{Hugs}}}}

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One day at a time.

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.



Me: 24
Him: 25
Married: May 31,2003
Separated: March 1,2004

http://groups.msn.com/OurWeddingPhotos/presentingmrandmrsmatthewharris.msnw

It is always good to know your rights.

____________________________
met 6-2-99, engaged 6-2-00, married 6-2-01, H moves out 3-26-02, H moves home 5-27-02, Recovered

The significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. - Albert Einstein

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result. Persistence is great, but you must persist with something that works.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. - Albert Einstein

It isn't what is done to us that defines us, it is how we respond to it. - Takola

Well....the lawyer was really no help. He basicly told me right now there is nothing I can do. We have only been married 10 months and separated 2 1/2 weeks. My husband should be doing what is "right" by sending me money and supporting me but he's being a "jerk" and doing it "wrong". This is what the lawyer said. So what do I do? I need money and I know I need to get a job but I need a way to get to and from work. Without money a car and/or bus pass can't happen right now. I can't expect my parents to keep supporing me, they can hardly support themselves. I feel bad living off of them right now. I need to find a way of getting a cheap car. Any suggestions?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One day at a time.

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.



Me: 24
Him: 25
Married: May 31,2003
Separated: March 1,2004

http://groups.msn.com/OurWeddingPhotos/presentingmrandmrsmatthewharris.msnw

I suggest you put what you need out on the Village Well and see if someone has some good advice or help they can offer on this.

Now, what about a plan to address your marital situation?

BTW, do you not have access to your marital financial accounts?

____________________________
met 6-2-99, engaged 6-2-00, married 6-2-01, H moves out 3-26-02, H moves home 5-27-02, Recovered

The significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. - Albert Einstein

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result. Persistence is great, but you must persist with something that works.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. - Albert Einstein

It isn't what is done to us that defines us, it is how we respond to it. - Takola

quote:

---

Now, what about a plan to address your marital situation?

---

What do you mean? I can't talk to my H about the marriage...he gets pissed at me and stops talking. He saids I'm pushing and pushing will lead to divorce.

quote:

---

BTW, do you not have access to your marital financial accounts?

---

We never had a joint account....so no I don't. He told me sice I left he has only been paid $100 dollars.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One day at a time.

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.



Me: 24
Him: 25
Married: May 31,2003
Separated: March 1,2004

http://groups.msn.com/OurWeddingPhotos/presentingmrandmrsmatthewharris.msnw

Talking to your H isn't the only plan to address your marriage out there. There are other options, and we need to focus more on what you do than on what he does. That's the part you can control.

____________________________
met 6-2-99, engaged 6-2-00, married 6-2-01, H moves out 3-26-02, H moves home 5-27-02, Recovered

The significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. - Albert Einstein

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result. Persistence is great, but you must persist with something that works.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. - Albert Einstein

It isn't what is done to us that defines us, it is how we respond to it. - Takola