tak i read that sometimes affairs can last up to two years, i believe this has been going on since march does that mean he may not give her up for another year. is there any way to make it end sooner? Are you and your h together now? were you in the pp? why did you separate?

PP is not (not, not, not) a manipulative move to get the WP to end the affair or to come home. PP is far more serious than that. It's a buffer zone, a space of safety, a place of calm and peace to protect: a) you from the inevitable trauma and inability to remain in the marriage that will result from being in contact, b) your spouse from the anger and ranting you won't be able to hold back after a certain point, c) most importantly - to protect your marriage from the damage both of you will inflict on it while the affair is in progress.

PP is about taking care of you, recreating calm, finding your center, recharging your batteries, and allowing the natural laws of human dynamics to have time to work with your spouse. If he comes back when the affair ends you will need a deep reserve of calm and peace - not to mention a strong grounding in your own value in order to heal and move forward. If the marriage ends you will need those things to move on on your own.

PP is about creating that place - peace, calm, safety, connectedness to self, compassion.

P

quote:

tak i read that sometimes affairs can last up to two years, i believe this has been going on since march does that mean he may not give her up for another year. is there any way to make it end sooner? Are you and your h together now? were you in the pp? why did you separate?

No, there is no way to make it end sooner. You can't make anything happen in regards to the affair. You can't control it, because it isn't about you. This is why you go to Protection Phase (PP) and stay there. You create safety for yourself and your marriage (see what Penny said above). In doing so, you also create the conditions for difficulty in maintaining the affair.

All you can do is work on you and taking care of yourself.

There are things you can do to hasten the end of the romantic bubble created my intrigue, mystery, taboo, etc. That would stuff like exposure and confrontation. If you've done that - spoken to friends and family and anyone who is important to you as a couple or whose opinion he cares about then it's pretty much time to be in PP and to take care of you. Although it's not the goal of PP you being out of contact often has an adverse effect on the affair.

P

Oh - and talked to the AP's spouse, if she's married. And sent some sort of confrontation to the AP herself.