I would love some advice from anyone willing to offer.

Wife and I have been married almost 2 years and haven't had any really big problems untill now. We have been apart most of the marriage, because my job took me out of town for a few months and she is trying to finish school before moving down to our new location. Just recently she found out that I had been talking through emails with another woman. This is the second time I had fell into this stupid meaningless cycle of emailing her. the first time also had trading of sexual visual content of each other.
I don't blame her for not trusting me at all, I completely lost her trust and love. She means the world to me and I have started counciling and getting more serious about my religion. She still thinks that she means nothing to me, when she is my whole world. She has done nothing but love me unconditionally and asked for nothing. I love her more then anything in this world and would do ANYTHING to save our marriage and earn her love back.
I said before that i have started counciling, and have told her that I am totally wanting to go with her. I am getting into my church and working on my own life and fixing my self as a person.
She says she hates me, which I don't blame her at all for. She is heart broken. She has lost all trust in me. Has said that she doesn't know if she wants to stay with me.
I am willing to do anything and everything to work this out. Any advice is greatly appreciated, and I am so glad to have found a place like this. It is nice to see that I am not the only one going through hard times. Thanks in advance.

sorryhusband,

Welcome to SYMC. I'm sorry about the circumstances that brought you here but glad you found us. It's good to see that you have some understanding of the pain your wife is going through. There's enough to go around and lots of healing necessary.

It looks like you are taking good steps toward your own healing. Have you blocked all possible communication with the other woman (OW)? Have you shared passwords and account information with your wife? Accountability is a good start toward recovery.

Another good step would be for you to write a letter to the OW to tell her you don't want to have any other contact because your marriage and relationship with your wife is so important to you. I would highly recommend that you share this letter with your wife and in fact, let her mail it after you've finished writing it. Then, stick to a plan of accountability and transparent honesty with your wife. Being apart for so long is really tough. My wife and I are apart much more than we are together now and it can be challenging to maintain the connection to each other sometimes. That's were some of the skills you learn during your own healing will help you.

How else can we help?

HoFS

thank you for the reply.
Yes I have completely disconnected all contact possible with the OW, by deleting accounts and emails. Yes I have shared my passwords and going to let her set a password on computer so that only when she is around could I possibly get on computer. As well as letting her have my cell.
Any ideas for the accountability and transparency? and how to do that without making her feel like she is having to "Keep tabs" with me. cause I know she doesn't want to feel like she has to hear everything I'm doing and when I'm doing them and such. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
She is saying that she hates me and doesn't believe me when I tell her that I am completely serious about the change in my life and how I want to make our marriage the best it can possibly be. Any ideas on how to differently convey that? convey that she is the only woman I love forever and that she won't be risking anything with another heartbreak with wanting to stay with me?
again thanks for the reply. it helps to talk about it, and really like your ideas.

Hi,
I'm sorry you're here, but if it helps, you're asking the right questions.

The biggest thing your wife needs right now is time. Time to process what happened, time to heal, and the opportunity to watch you over a long period of time be trustworthy. The thing about trust is that is takes years to build up and only a couple of mistakes to diminish it.

So, give her some time and in the meantime, do all you can to CONSISTENTLY be trustworthy and honest. And probably the worst thing you can do is press her on stuff. That has to come from her.

Transparency is good, No contact with OW is good, working on you is good no matter what happens with your marriage. Recovery from infidelity can take months and years, so try and remember that when you worry about whether she will be back to that.

....and tell her that. That you acknowledge your actions were immensely harmful to her, and you will be there with her for as long as it takes. That is...if you mean it.

I'm glad you're in counseling and going to church - that's all great. Just keep it up. Because otherwise, your wife will think it's manipulative and doesn't fix the root of the problem.

I hope you find the root in counseling - there is one you know. Sometimes it's just lonliness and poor boundaries, but sometimes...well it goes much deeper.

Welcome to SYMC. We're here for you anytime because a lot of us (myself included), have been where you are. Hang in there,
GS

you need to give your wife alot of time to deal with her heartbreak, be there for her no matter what show her love and support in any way she needs it. and reassure her whebever you can. good luck you may want her to come on here and she will see she's not along. bad things happen to good people