Hi all, I know it seems like I disappeared for a while and I am sorry for that. I feel the need to apologize because I want to be able to offer support to others, but I am having a hard time defining a happy medium between supporting and reliving. To that extent I am sorry for not being around.

As for us...being 1 year out...I guess all I can say about that is things are progressing. We are still working very hard every day to keep this going in the right direction and not lead us back to the behaviors (on both our parts) that helped us into this mess in the first place.

We are both working very hard on the communication thing. We are trying to remember that we are not mind readers and that if I (or he) dont say how we feel it is unfair to expect the other to "know".

On 1 year post d-day was very nice. He was very considerate and I was very apprehensive. The mere thought of that date makes me physically ill. So we decided we need to replace those memories. We took our very first family vacation EVER and it encompassed that date. We had a great time, loads of nice memories for us and the kids and that particular evening was a very nice quiet dinner between the 2 of us. Tons of discussion of happy times and reminders and memories of why I want this to work. It was good.

I feel like every day is a struggle, I especially hate watching anything on TV I am soooo tired of the constant bombarding of infidelity. What as a society have we become that we glorify this horrid situation? (sorry off on a personal tangent there)

Together...we move forward.....thanks to the knowledable help and advice from everyone here.

Thank you, I honestly didnt think I would be here (still married) 1 year later.

That's a GREAT update, Lost*.

I am a big believer in making NEW memories for places and dates...

I also agree about the media and infidelity. All these years later I still have issues... and often at the weirdest times... times I'd never expect, like several years ago when Marge contemplated cheating on Homer on The Simpsons - it's a CARTOON, for heavens sake!!! I will tell you that for me, as time has passed, when I see infidelity on movies, books and TV, usually I just roll my eyes and plow through the scene. It doesn't hurt so much like it used to, but it does still make me sad that it's so prevalent.

Thank you so very much for sharing your up-date here at SYMC, LM

I am so glad that life is looking up for you and your husband. All the hard work is paying off, and I am sure it will for year upon year to come.

May you always be blessed
hugs to you all
Hypatia

Hi Lost,

I'm right there with you, going on 2 years out and still married. It hasn't been easy and still isn't but worth the effort most days. I hear what your saying about TV shows, that is still prickly to both of us. I can get through it better than my H when it happens, the guilt tears him up and wondering what I'm thinking when it happens.

There are actually days when what he did doesn't enter my mind but not to many. Most times I can push it out and continue with what I'm doing but after so long I just let the emotions come, deal with them again, and move forward. Right now I think I am mentally tired of having to do that feel myself taking a few steps backwards. I do love him and glad we are still together but struggling to be "in love" with him. I know I'm holding back emotionally probably as protection to myself. I am considering seeing our counseler again just to let him know where I am today and if he can give me any insight. We haven't been there for almost a year and I think I could use the help again to get past this recent set back.

Anyway, I know how hard this work is for you and wish you all the luck I can give you. Wev'e been married 28 years now, how about you? Your H is a lucky man as is mine.

Hi All...Thank you all for your kind and encouraging words. This is probably the most difficult thing I have ever been through in my life, but we will get through it.

I completely agree about feeling like things are moving forward and then suddenly backward, but I feel it is a good thing that you actually recognize it while it is happening.

We have been married 15 years (wow that number seems HUGE!!!) and yes I agree that our H are lucky, but I too feel lucky. I am lucky enough to have a H who realizes there was a problem and is helping me face it head on side by side instead of running away, which would have been easier for him.

Hugs to you all!!!

quote:

There are actually days when what he did doesn't enter my mind but not to many. Most times I can push it out and continue with what I'm doing but after so long I just let the emotions come, deal with them again, and move forward.

Wow..I really know what this feels like and it's darn hard. Next Monday will be 4 months of working our way back to our marriage and I swear, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. I can go some days without thinking of anything and then there will be days when it is so raw and so hurtful that I think I will just die, the pain is so bad, thinking back to what he shared with this person that was so personal, what only we should have had with each other. But, I work my way through it and go on.

But, I love him. I really do. So very much. To me it says something that he decided his family was what he wanted. But then those nasty, little creepy thoughts come back to haunt me time and again. WHY? Why did he do that to me? I guess that's normal..at least I hope so.