To all
I am doing well as I feel that a hugh weight was lifted off my chest.
I am sleep & eating OK & the boys seem to be OK
They are a little confused - but that is expected.

The lawyer visit was to get to know my options at this point. Wasn't much help

Keep my cool & give her no reason to call police on me or get me out of the house was the lawyer's advice

I think I will go see a couple more to get different opinions - it won't hurt & it's free.
Plus the more I talk about it the better I feel.

She got home last night from Vegas but did not come home - I think tonight when I go home from work will be the 1st encounter. That is if she comes home.

Working out the marriage is all up to her as I have always stated that I never wanted it to end.

I had sent an email to everyone on our email list (friends & family) that stated this

It is sad to inform everyone that my wife of 11 years is in Las Vegas right now with another man having an affair. Please pray for me & the kids.

I have received very positive responces from 1/2 of the people & everyone was very shocked.

I have no reason to hide anything as I am not the one who has made this happen & I have nothing to hide.

Penny - I am already reading 2 books & doing a daily exercise + I have 2 more books to read when I am done the 2 I am reading right now.

Once I get through those I can proceed with some new ones - too much at once is too much.

Thanks to everyone for your advice & responces as I stated earlier the more I talk the better I feel.

quote:

Penny - I am already reading 2 books & doing a daily exercise + I have 2 more books to read when I am done the 2 I am reading right now.

Once I get through those I can proceed with some new ones - too much at once is too much.

Kevin, P's ebook is relatively short. It can be read in an evening...and....it's the book you need now. The others can wait. It outlines exactly what your stategy should be to help this affiar come to an end as quickly as possible.

If the lawyers and talking about it makes you feel better, I say go for it, but be very aware that a divorce lawyer has something to gain from you getting a divorce.

I'm glad you're eating and sleeping well. Keep posting here.

Oh man Kevin...I'm so sorry. That really bites. Sounds like your kids have a great dad and I hope you can keep them safe from what is about to go down.

I'm glad you've told family and friends and it sounds like you did so in a very straight forward and kind way. Good for you.

So...she's coming home (if she isn't already there). Are you ready for this? What's the plan? Make one if you haven't...don't let her drive the bus because you won't like where it's going.

Penny's ebook really is a quick and helpful read, especially for someone in your sitch.

Hang in there.
GS

She finally came home Tuesday night 10 PM
She came in yelling that I needed to put her stuff back in the room & move my stuff out.
I said no
She start to treaten me so I called th epolice & she was asked to leave the house.
She slept on the street in her vehicle - said she had nowhere to go.
I told the police she could go stay @ her new boyfriends or her girlfriends.

They warned me that I had to protect myself as If she calles them on me they would arrest me & I wouldn't be allowed back to the house.

Last night I had my parents come to the house as I was going to the chapel for a class I joined for divorced & separated adults.
She came home after I left & called the police to have my parents (70 & 71 yrs of age) removed from the house infront of the children.

My parents waited for me at the chapel and went with me back to the house to make sure I was going to be OK. They waited on the road.

I got into the house & to my room with no issues so I told them they could leave.

About a 1/2hr later - she came in yelling again - same as the 1st night - I said I didn't want to keep calling the police & I wanted to work thing out

I said I would be willing to forgive her - If she still wanted to make things work.

Wow was that a mistake - she blew up - so I asked one of the other kids to come sleep in my bed & she finally went away

She said she has a lawyer & I'm gonna pay big time for what I've done.

What have I done? - Loved her.

She told her mother that she will never love me again and that we are 100% done.

I am going to get a lawyer to protect myself & the children & after we are safe from her - and she realizes - what she has done to me & the kids - she may change? or go get some help.

Kevin,

Sorry for the chaos that your family is experiencing right now. Breathe. That's really important. Surround yourself with family and friends. That's really important.

Your wife's reactions are not surprising. Her world has been turned upside down. Something like your world was when you found out. Things aren't so cozy now and she's feeling up against things now. She has tough choices to make that include time with the kids.

If you have the time, I'd like to know why you decided to take a class for divorced and separated couples. Seems like the timing is a bit off there.

How is a lawyer going to protect you and the children? Did she make threats against you and the children?

Your wife isn't going to hear you very well right now. You are not going to be a good teacher for her. The situation is not so different from telling a drug addict or alcoholic that they can't continuing using whatever it is that they feel they need to feel better. It results in a lot of irrational behavior.

She may have told her mother that she will never love you again. That may be true. But, she's not saying that in a grounded state right now so it's necessarily true.

Are you protecting your assets? Things of value to you in the house?

You need to work on staying grounded yourself. You also need to find compassion for your wife. That doesn't mean you have to put up with abuse. But that does mean you have to look deep down and recognize her value and pain.

Take care of yourself and your family.

HoFS

What HoFS said.

And .... if you don't want to be divorced then don't do things that move you in that direction: i.e hiring a lawyer, taking a class for divorced people. If your goal is to save your marriage then do things that move you in that direction.

P

Right now we are going to do a legal separation, sell the house, split the assets & determine the best interest for the children.

I gave her the room so we would stop arguing & calling the police on each other.

She told the kids she would be spending more time with them - then she came home Friday @ 5:00 PM got a shower changed & left without saying anything to any of the children & didn't come hoime again until Sunday @ 6:00 PM


Pray for me & the children
Pray for my wife to have a change in her life.

quote:

Originally posted by Kevin C:
... & determine the best interest for the children.

Wow, there's a lot that could be said about that.

So Kevin, why the rush to separate and divide up things?

HoFS

Turns out shes had a lawyer for some time now - planning my demise.
She wants me out of the house.
She wants the children.
She believes that she is doing nothing wrong, She is still denying she is having an affair even though I have proof.

If I do not act now I can lose everything.
It's bad enough that my marriage is down the crapper after 11yrs but I don't want to lose the children too.

I believe that until my wife hits rock bottom she will go on beleiveing that she is doing nothing wrong.

She only care about herself right now & not what she is doing to me or the children or anyone else.

Ah yes. If she's already retained counsel you need to do so as well. I'm really sorry. Affairs are ugly but getting into the legal mess amplifies that by at least 1000x.

If you haven't already hired someone take a week and interview several. Make sure they know you want to stay married and ask if they can help you slow down the process. That's not the same as using ugly and costly (and unethical!) legal tactics .... so be sure to ask how they would do that as well.

best to you,

P