I finally made it over here! Looks like you are off to a good start.
I'm really not posting much over at MB, quite frankly I'm getting tired of my own situation.

This infidelity stuff is exhausting!

Update though...after sending my 6 page kiss off letter last week, I was ready to move on.
I didn't expect any results except maybe anger or attitude at least from WH.

His next visit up to see the kids, resulted in his sharing that he wants to stop drinking...acknowledging that it may help him to think clearer about "things...the A is not going well...hmmmm, who knew it wouldn't last!

He actually listened to me describe the A as an addiction also, something he never would have done just a few months ago!

I'm not sure he can do the work it takes to beat these addictions, however in his own words, "maybe the fact that I"ve admitted it is a first step". Let's hope so.

I'm still moving on...when and if the A stops completely, and I am still "available", I will do whatever I can to support him.

The D is under way. He knows what he has to do to stop it. It's been too long to hold off any longer and too much financial damage has been done.

I'll check in here, as I lurk often. Maybe I'll start posting more!
Good luck!

[This message was edited by shugah on Tue March 16 2004 at 11:36 AM.]

Woo Hoo!

Shugah's in the house!

Hi Shugah, and welcome!

Glad you made it.

This is a very good place to be.

Keep hoping for your situation!

Volunteer Coordinator
sharonsymc@aol.com

Hi Shugah! I'm glad to see you here. Stay strong, hon. If your WH gets his act together, great! But look at actions, not the words about what he "wants" to do.

After all, I WANT to go to the moon, but I haven't even glanced at the NASA Web site to find the application for astronauts. Wanting ain't gonna get me there.

-----------------------------
Just J
Just_J_SYMC@comcast.net

Hi Sugah Glad you here.

WH called me tonight about sdmething that could have waited quite frankly!
He told me "now that I've stopped drinking, I should have more money".
I think he wanted me to know that about the drinking.
But then he said something about how much $ he allows himself per day for spending....and I said how that was a lot compared to what me and the kids were getting by on....
The conversation started to get a little heated and finally I said "look, you don't have to explain yourself to me...whatever"
We ended the conversation.
He IMMEDIATELY called me back, something he never does (that's usually my move!), trying to justify his spending. It seemed important to him that I understand that.
HMMM, seems to me he's trying awfully hard to explain himself...it never seemed important to him before.
Is this a sign of something..

quote:

---

Is this a sign of something..

---

Well, his behavior is certainly changing. Sounds to me like he's trying, on a very small scale, to test the waters. He's reaching out, just a little, to you.

The admission of not drinking...he's trying to prove to you that he is trying for some level of self-improvement.

It's a start. Next step in self-improvement: can he be the H you need him to be?

Volunteer Coordinator
sharonsymc@aol.com

shugah - Mine is the same way. He does not know that I have access to his bank account online. He continues to deny he is spending all of his money, but he is.

He made $50,000. last year and it is all gone. He has nothing to show for it. I don't even bring it up anymore, because I am just met with more denial.

Hey Shugah,

You OK? Just checking on you. Don't leave us here. Keep posting, OK?

Volunteer Coordinator
sharonsymc@aol.com

Oh, I'm more than ok!!

Let me fill you all in!

Last night I helped the A to a long overdue death! For now at least it seems to be over. Time will tell if it is over for good.

I called WH's cell to see if he had made a support desposit into my account. I could here bimbo in the background and her kids.

Well, nothing sets me off like the sound of her voice and 1/2 a bottle of wine!! LOL!

I called WH right back and proceeded to read him the riot act. "You lying piece of s#*t, you are no more "confused" than the man in the moon, you continue to do nothing to figure out what the hell you want....you are just scamming me with all this talk of trying to figure it out....

He hangs up...I call back, he won't pick up.

I don't give up! I call the OW's #, we talk briefly, just long enough to tell her that he's lying to both of us, tell her some of the stuff he's been saying to me...she says, "he said that?", OH YEAH BABY!, and then I drop the bombshell that I've been holding onto for a few weeks....
Did he tell you that we slept together?

Oh, I wish I could have been there for the fireworks...

I called her back when I knew he was probably gone...she called me a liar because of course he was denying it! I gave her enough details to make it believable...
Give her the message that she is just another one of his many addictions...I've done my homework sweetheart!
She asked me well, why would you still want him..."hmm, not sure that I do, can't believe a word he says...but I'm not giving up...but better yet, why do YOU want him, you know he's a liar and a cheat?
She replies.."yeah, I guess your right about that! Thanks for the info."

I believe it was about to end soon anyways...I just wasn't patient enought to let it die a natural death....

WH calls later..."are you happy now?, did you have your fun?"
OH, yes, dear, it wasn't bad for a sunday night!
He says,"I was going to dump her anyways". Dump her before I got dumped.


He spewed some venom for a bit...I hate you...I'm never coming back...blah, blah, blah!

Then later, much calmer...talking about an amicable divorce, "generous" settlement, and then....what if I give up this job and can't find one back home, and then we don't get along, I won't have anything...I'm actually relieved, and I"m not drinking so I'm feeling better already"

Although said sarcastically, I wonder how much truth there is to that last statement!

He's so messed up right now...I hope his little bitty head is spinning like a top!

I'm not sure I'd even want the b*#stard back anymore...but man, I do like the way things are playing out!

I never knew vengeance would taste this sweet!

Amidst the pain and anguish that my children, teen, continue to exhibit...this pathetic excuse for a man continues to refuse to take ownership for anything he has done.
I'm sick to death of it!

Ah, but I had fun tonight...out for a little "moving on" fun....What else is a girl to do!

Keep you posted...keep up the good fight people!

As they say, it's not over till the fat lady sings...and this ole mama has just begun to warm up the vocal chords!

Wondering what will happen next?

[This message was edited by shugah on Tue March 16 2004 at 07:16 AM.]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by shugah:
Oh yeah, Sharon...thanks for asking, it was good to hear from you!

Hi Shugah!!! Anymore news? Affairs are like a neurological infection aren't they? ugh

Star,
Nothing going on. I'm laying low for now.
This weekend coming will be WH's usual visit schedule...not sure what he'll do.
He said he doesn't want to see me or step foot
in the house. So not sure where he'll take the kids.
I wouldn't be surprised if by saturday, he's calmed down and goes for the easiest thing for him, a nice comfy visit at the house.
Whatever.

I know that WH is probably going through some withdrawal at this point.
It's really driving me a bit batty not knowing if in fact the A is still over, and how angry WH is still.
He did not come for his visit on sat. He plans to come and take the kids out this sat. instead.

It's really tough sitting tight and waiting this thing out.
But I'm making the most of it. In some ways I'm "enjoying" my time now without WH! Knowing that IF he ever came back, our world would be knocked upside down again until we adjusted.
Does that sound a bit weird? Guess I am moving on in more ways than I give myself credit for.
Today is his B-day. He won't be hearing from me. No cards, no phone calls. The kids didn't even ask to send anything. And I'm not doing the feel good work for him anymore.

So, just hanging in there, doing lots of wondering. What if anything will happen next?

Shugah,
{{{{{{{{{{Shugah}}}}}}}
Hang in there Girl.
Someday, oneday, we will all lok back on these evnts and be grateful for hem.
'Til then, I am sending you more hugs

K

me-42 yr o
H (WS)-46 yr o
met-feb 2001
M 06-23-01
BabyLuv born 01-24-02

absolute affairs (EA and/or PA) to date-3
two of these are reoccurring for the past three years, one of which is w/ X-W

susupected other affiars- 2

I may have been one of the OW, the one that got pregnant.

Let me know if I can help, and don't be afraid to ask.

P

It Takes A Village To Save A Marriage

Thanks Penny! and everyone else for your support!

Hang in there. These things take time. It will not happen overnight. Keep your boundaries up, and let him know that you do not want the old marriage back.

On one hand I wish I could give up on this M, totally and finally! On the other hand I'm finding it impossible to let go.

I'm so very tired of dealing with everything. The stress of single-parenting 3 of our 4 children still at home.
The stress of finances...do I pay the mortgage this month(last months!), get heating oil, pay day care or buy food. Hmmm...can't pay them all, and WH just says I don't have any more to give you! "Let's just rush this divorce along so that you can get a settlement"

I feel the joy in my life has been drained out. It's just a job now. Raise the kids, pay the bills, get through one more day.

WH is still angry with me for helping to end his doomed A. Today's statement..."I was trying, I felt a spark and then you had to break up my relationship" HUH????

So basically, he now wants nothing more to do with me over this. I'm not sure what I want anymore.

I hardly even like him anymore. What's there to love....a man who gives up his family to end up with NOTHING!

And then there is me, fighting for a M that is based on what????

I have to be the world's biggest fool! To think so little of myself that I would even consider wanting this relationship again.

Shugah,

quote:

---

WH is still angry with me for helping to end his doomed A. Today's statement..."I was trying, I felt a spark and then you had to break up my relationship" HUH????

So basically, he now wants nothing more to do with me over this. I'm not sure what I want anymore.

---

Well color me the eternal optimist, if you will, but this sounds to me like the pain of an individual trying to get through the agony of withdrawal...withdrawal that had absolutely nothing to do with his choice!

Look at it this way, Shugah. It's like the addict who was taken into rehab against his wishes. He wasn't ready to give up his drug of choice, but it was taken from him, by someone who loved him. What does the addict feel for that loved one? I would bet it's darn close to hatred.

Now, as the withdrawal progresses, the addict - dare we say former addict? - gradually begins to see the light (hmmm, the fog lifts?) and he sees that the loved one was not the enemy after all, but that his drug of choice was the enemy. And he comes to realize that the loved one acted the way she did - why? By God, because she loved him from the depths of her soul!

So for your WH (FWH) to say he wants nothing to do with you? I think he's coming down off his high, Shugah.

Patience. Wait it out. No lovebusting. Be there. Be kind. Be gentle. He is in pain now. I know, not an easy assignment. But I think it might be worth it.

Oh, yeah, and your comments about hardly even liking him any more? Not surprising. Have you ever seen an addict you could like?

Keep the faith. Just remember, please, to be good to him right now. Make him see that there is something worthwhile to come home to.