My dh has to go to an academy for 5 weeks out of state. It is over our 3 year anniversary and our youngest daughters 2nd b-day. I was fine with that, I know he has no control over it.

Tonight we were talking on the phone and he said how it's going to suck because he is responsible to pay for his meals on the weekend. I said you mean you are off on the weekends to do what you want? He said yes. I didn't know this. I was ok with the academy because I thought his time would all be at the academy. I don't know how I am going to make it through this 5 weeks. I don't trust him.

Anyhow, when he told me that, I said this is going to be really hard on me. His response was "great here we go again"

All I said was thanks and hung up. I know it was wrong to hang up on him. Anytime I say something about a situation being hard about trusting him, that's his response. I feel like he totally invalidates my feelings.

When he took this job, I knew he would have to go to an academy, had I known he would be free on the weekends, I would have asked him not to take the job. I don't know if I can make it through this....

quote:

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Originally posted by Tracie~SYMC:


Anyhow, when he told me that, I said this is going to be really hard on me. His response was "great here we go again"

All I said was thanks and hung up. I know it was wrong to hang up on him. Anytime I say something about a situation being hard about trusting him, that's his response. I feel like he totally invalidates my feelings.

.

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{{{{{Tracie}}}}}}}
I know what I want to write, I know the thought that I want to put out to you.

maybe 5:am is to early?

until I get it all straightened out I will leave you w/ another hug.
{{{{{{{Tracie}}}}}}}}}

I get the
"Great, here we go again" thing all the time as well. It is soooo deflating, is'nt it?

Baby doll, what can WE do for you to help it not be AGAIN again?
What about your words, actions can we help you w/?
What is your husband expecting you to do/say?

Trust does not grow on trees and it does not grow over night. YOU can not grow trust all by yourself. These things I know that YOU know.

{{{{Tracie}}}}
xo
K

me-42 yr o
H (WS)-46 yr o
met-feb 2001
M 06-23-01
BabyLuv born 01-24-02

absolute affairs (EA and/or PA) to date-3
two of these are reoccurring for the past three years, one of which is w/ X-W

susupected other affiars- 2

I may have been one of the OW, the one that got pregnant.

"I feel that we really need a plan to address accountability and trust during this time period. When can we get together to make one?"

____________________________
met 6-2-99, engaged 6-2-00, married 6-2-01, H moves out 3-26-02, H moves home 5-27-02, Recovered

The significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. - Albert Einstein

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result. Persistence is great, but you must persist with something that works.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. - Albert Einstein

It isn't what is done to us that defines us, it is how we respond to it. - Takola

Ideas you might want to run past your H:

- He comes home on the weekends.
- You join him for the entire academy.
- You join him for the weekends.
- A set time to talk for an hour EACH DAY during the week.

I'm sure there are others, but this is a start. Are there any he'd be enthusiastic about?

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Just J
Just_J_SYMC@comcast.net

quote:

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"I feel that we really need a plan to address accountability and trust during this time period. When can we get together to make one?"

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He was still angry with me this morning. I explained I was looking for reassurance. That I got scared and overreacted. Which is the truth. I cried for about 2 hours last night.

This morning, I told him a couple of things that would make me more comfortable with the situation. He does not get a motel room, he stays in the barracks on the weekends. Meaning that's where he sleeps. He doesn't have to stay there all day lol.. He calls me at night when he gets back and goes to bed and in the morning when he wakes up.

I wanted the cell phone to stay on all night, but he will be sharing a room with someone else.

Just J~ I so wish I could go with him. We just couldn't afford it at all. Plus its been over 1 1/2 years since d-day. I have to use this time to allow him to show me he can be trusted. If he can't show that, then we really need to sit down and reevaluate things.

We considered him coming home on the weekends, again money... He will be in Arkansas we live in Ca.

I definately like the set time to talk each day. If possible. I know he will have study groups and so forth. THis is what worries me. There will be women there, my dh seems to always find the woman to team up with. So one of them will be in the others barrack. That scares me, hopefully that is something we can also can cover before he leaves. Luckily he doesn't leave for another couple of months.

This is hard stuff, I know. I guess I would say this is a time when enthusiastic agreement is really important.

Perhaps you could set a time to brainstorm about how to overcome your concerns -- half an hour to an hour -- once a week between now and then. And when you and he come to an enthusiastic agreement, great! And until then... no go.

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Just J
Just_J_SYMC@comcast.net