You mentioned your friends not thinking it was a good idea for you to read these e-mail. Only someone who has been in your shoes understands the importance of full knowledge in healing. How can you possibly build a new relationship with your husband without TRUST. Maybe he thinks he's protecting you from increased pain or hurt by not allowing you to read them. However, the "unknown" is just as painful because it allows our imagination to run rampant with all sorts of scenarios that might not have taken place. It has been a year and a half for me and my biggest obstacle in healing is not knowing anything about her. It was a one night stand in another state and she didn't even tell him her real last name. I only know she worked at the hotel he was staying at. Believe me I have tried to get her name out of several employees there now but they can not give out her name, only that she no longer works there. Anyway....all my friends and our counciler has told me to forget about her role in any of it, she was not important. Yea, Right! Only someone who has been there understands how "we" feel. I know if I was in your shoes I would insist on reading them no matter what because the unknown is so much worse than reality when you are trying to heal. I have thought about hiring a PI to find her, does anyone have any advice on this? My husband is OK with this idea because he knows how important it is to me for healing. I don't expect anything from her other than to see what she looks like (only a woman understands this) and for her to hear what she has done to me and put us through with her part of the ONS. I'm pretty sure she won't care but I do. I wrote her a letter at the beginning when I first found out and sent it to the hotel to forward to her but I don't know if she ever got it. So, all that said, your husband needs to understand and be willing to do whatever you need in order for you to start trusting him again. That's just my thoughts.