10 boundaries in our home:

Always knock before you enter a room
Put your dishes in the kitchen after you have eaten
Tell the truth
Leave the seat up or down but Always Flush !
Lock the door if you are the last one in at night
Always let someone else know where you are- that means even if you change venues in the middle of the night...a text will do.
Respect others
You can talk to /challenge anyone (of us 4 )about anything so long as you do it respectfully
You have a right to say no... and for that no to be respected even whilst in play...
Do not pull the dogs tail
Do not tell the dog that you are taking him for a walk if you have no intention of doing so
If a family meeting is called - we must all 4 attend
Always ask before you take money and make a note of how much you take
You may eat anything in the fridge EXCEPT if it has a yellow circle sticker on it ( it's beeing saved for a special recipie)
Always say goodbye (to others in the house)before you leave the house...

<said in my best Bill Lumberg voice as I lean against my cubicle wall> Soooo... what's happening?

Bump for mags.

Ok i'm going to try and do this from scratch without reading my previous stuff, just to see.

External things of import:
Family
Financial security
Mental stimulation
Humanity
Husband
Stunningly georgeous baby
Singing
Friends
Love

Character traits needed to uphold these:
Honesty
Caring
Growth
Compromise
Responsibility
Self awareness
Respect
Willpower/determination
Unselfishness
Empathy
Tolerance

Here I have a question already. I don't know if these things are my values - they are just what I need to keep the things of import. If the things of import changed, the values might...?
And also what about the ones where 'needed to uphold these' is a matter of opinion or preference - eg. honesty. I think honesty to my H and baby is important - but you know, there are people who get to the end of their lives and their partners find out they were bigamists etc - obviously it's not ALWAYS necessary in order to keep your relationship/family. So... I'm putting it as a value, but if it's not really needed to uphold the above, is it one? And stuff like willpower/determination - I don't have any - does that mean it's not a value, if I don't have it? I think it's something I NEED more of, in order to keep my valuables - but I haven't yet been tested so I've been able to keep them without having it. Should it come off the list?

Aha - now I look at my old list. Interesting. I will add 'Freedom' to my list above, and group H, friends, family and my bubbus under 'love'.

And to my character traits I will add in patience, initiative, and communication.

Distilled and added-to list:
Concern for others
Being my true self to others
Purpose and action
Self development

Is that too distilled?

Also - have my statements become distilled/broadened so much as to be generic and meaningless?

Every choice I make and every action I take reflects my best, most essential, most authentic self - without contradiction or harm when I use concern for others as a foundation for my actions.

Yup

Every choice I make and every action I take reflects my best, most essential, most authentic self - without contradiction or harm when I use being my true self to others as a foundation for my actions.

Hmmm. I can see situations where this would not be practical or desirable. Haha - for instance, job interviews!

Every choice I make and every action I take reflects my best, most essential, most authentic self - without contradiction or harm when I use self development as a foundation for my actions.

Sort of yes. But what about if there's scenarios where self development means putting my needs over somebody elses?

Every choice I make and every action I take reflects my best, most essential, most authentic self - without contradiction or harm when I use purpose and action as a foundation for my actions.

Hmmm... thinking this doesn't quite fit - plus it's not something I currently use, it's more something I'm striving fore. So do I cut it out? I need it to uphold my valuables... but I don't really have it yet... and it doesn't fit... does that mean I don't really need it? But I'm sure I do... without it I can do all the self and other considering in the world but there's no action required. And action is where I fall down. Help?

Agggg - concern for others is the only one that 100% fits - but then it's unbalanced with concern for self - help!

Ok stuck now... I seem to have distilled too far to come up with a statement of personal integrity to build my boundaries on...

quote:

Hmmm. I can see situations where this would not be practical or desirable. Haha - for instance, job interviews!

Nah. If you're not true to your Self, you'll never get the job you actually want. I think it fits wonderfully.

Keep the purpose and action. Massage it some, but don't give it up. And the same is true for the self development. Don't give up on it just because it doesn't quite fit. I think you're on the right track. To get further along, maybe you might take some of your original character traits and try the same sentence on them, to see if perhaps something there resonates with you more deeply? You're looking for that sensation when your whole body goes, "Yeah! YEAH!! I meant that!!!"

Oh. And. Your social self, which is the part that your parents trained when you were two, will probably answer with, "That's ridiculous! You can't say that!" Go ahead and say both things and we'll help you work out what's what.

quote:

ah. If you're not true to your Self, you'll never get the job you actually want. I think it fits wonderfully.

Ahhhh...huh.
So when they ask my greatest weakness and I say 'laziness' - I'm referring them to YOU when I don't get the job! Hmmm... maybe I'll get a job in a sleep lab... then again I don't think the lab technicians are supposed to be the ones sleeping!



So I still do think there are times when it is impractical to show my true self to the world. Or to be more accurate - my WHOLE true self. Maybe that's where the difference lies. But then you get to the fine line about what to not show, and to whom.

Will work some more on them...

Hmmmm. Laziness, huh? I bet you're not lazy at all when you're doing something you truly love. I would also suggest that you read the Robert Heinlein story about the very lazy man who became an admiral.

You're right, though. Your essential self is the same one who bit your preschool teacher and terrorized the neighborhood when you were three. Your social self exists to moderate those "antisocial" tendencies and to help you manage the fallout when you decide that yes, you really are going to have lime green hair. ("But mom, I really really really thought it was going to turn out a lovely dark auburn!!!")

quote:

I bet you're not lazy at all when you're doing something you truly love

You'd lose the bet I love singing, but I have trouble summonning the energy, despite the fact that I love it once I get started. So unless I'm accountable to someone it usually fizzles.
I'll look up the story.

HOW DID YOU KNOW I TERRORISED THE NEIGHBOURHOOD WHEN I WAS THREE????????
And it was purple...

quote:

I love singing, but I have trouble summonning the energy, despite the fact that I love it once I get started. So unless I'm accountable to someone it usually fizzles.

Huh. You know, I don't quite think of that as laziness. I have had that same problem for many years, and so I "trick" myself by doing things like scheduling weekly meetings with people to make sure I have a reason to make progress. There are lots of other methods of doing that.

And I'm sure the purple was lovely.

So, back to the exercise -- when you back up a step to some of the first things and apply the sentence to those, how's that work out?