Hi all

As we head into the dark nights of winter, I am awaiting the delivery of the final papers to say that my marriage is over. H moved out 2 and a bit years ago because he had fallen in love with someone else. I am in the middle of selling the house and it is proving very difficult for various legal reasons. My children both moved away in the last couple of months and I am living on my own for the first time in 30 years. I feel that my sense of who I am is disappearing. I find myself looking in the mirror to see if I am still there. I am sure that this is just the final down before I start to pick up in the New Year, but I wondered if anybody had any advice to help me through these dark days and nights. (I have some difficult anniversaries in December ... mostly over by the time I get to Christmas day, but I do find the fake ho, ho, ho stuff a bit difficult to deal with sometimes - and I work with children!)

First, just here

My mom always said it was darkest before the dawn, and that phrase came to mind when I was reading your post. It is a very dark time.....and you are getting ready to embark in the next phase of your life.

When I am sad, I envision the future and start making plans for something that I find exciting.

Your next phase of your life right now, is a wide open book. If you can imagine something new for yourself, what might that look like? It might take awhile to find it - but when you do...you'll know. Maybe it's going back to school, starting a new career, volunteering somewhere that brings you joy...you now have the freedom to do virtually anything you put your mind to.

Transform your sadness and let go of what is past. The dawn is coming again.

I suggest something practical that reinforces your values. In my opinion, the best way to get beyond the feeling of isolation and worthlessness is to volunteer. This is the perfect season. Be around other people who work beyond themselves. Somewhere there are volunteers who are sweating it out, saying yes to one more task, who would be blessed by another pair of hands, another voice in conversation, another good person to share the accomplishment with.

Thanks for the suggestions - I do feel that the dawn is not too far away.

I did start a new career GS_SYMC - I went to uni 3 years ago and qualified as a teacher. I am now in my 3rd placement in an area of social deprivation working with 3 to 4 year olds, so although it is not volunteering, I feel like I am doing my bit. I love my job but it is hard some days.

I get where you are coming from Gregory, volunteering is a good way of getting away from what is hollow about the coming season and getting in touch with what it should really mean. My mum always worked at a hospice on Christmas day serving teas. I will look out for opportunities.

Meanwhile, I hunker down and get early nights. This too will pass. I know that I will feel my spirits rise at the solstice (I even love the word) as it is the start of the days getting longer.